Cough

Autumn is here and the new things I was anticipating have slapped me in the face in the form of a very nasty cough.  I am sick, Eva is sick but my little Emilia has been hit the hardest of us all.  I have seen my little princess in some pretty bad states during her short life, but nothing compared to the last three nights.  I saw a Dr yesterday and we were sent to the Emergency Room where she was diagnosed with baby asthma.  We were given some medicine that relaxes her body and helps her breathe more easily.  With retrospect we should have reacted earlier, on the first night at 12.45 I was ready to take her in, but when I called the advice line I was told to give her a warm drink and just to keep comforting her.  So that is what we did.  Jens is with me and is as always my reassuring rock but sometimes only Mummy will do.  This is one of those times and I have never felt more needed by my little warrior.

I have re-invented myself as a living Zombi.  My babies still need food, Eva who slept 12 hours needed me at 6.30 this morning when Emilia, after her exhausting night, crashed into slumber. I was jealous;  I wanted to join her so bad. It think it is something to do with hormones but however bad I feel, I hear her chest rattle and forget myself, I hear her screams and it cuts into me in ways I cannot describe.  Where her pain goes, I go and we will ride this out together.  I am no longer a player in this game just an observer who exists to ease and soothe and make the badness go away.

As always I am thankful for any help available.  Mandy came over and brought lunch for me and the girls (homemade soup - delicious) and Farfar came over to help today.  My Mum and Dad help me look after the twins via video chat and are always helping me to keep my spirits up.  They are coming this weekend and I am longing for their visit.  You see only my Mummy will do when it comes to getting me back on track.  It is just the way it is!  I had my babies in a different country to them and in times of sickness I pay that high price.

I am praying for a night where I can sleep and relax and where my angels can have a peaceful, undisturbed rest.