Update

Emilia is still on the mend which is great news.  They managed to reduce the pressure on her respirator significantly and it is looking like she will be back on the cpap machine tomorrow and reunited with Eva :)  So I should be really happy but just before we left I had a bad experience.

I watched the nurses turn Emilia and she started turning blue and they had to ventilate her.  It has been a long time since I have seen this and it is just the worst thing ever to witness.  They only needed to do it for about 20 seconds so for them it was nothing serious, but for me it is like a knife is twisting in my heart.  My baby has had enough now.  The nurses also asked me to change her nappy, I should have said no as I was so scared of hurting her.  But I did it anyway and it just took it out of me.  As the nurse was sucking the saliva out of her throat, which involves putting a tube down there and makes her wriggle because it is so uncomfortable, she cracked some joke about me cleaning her teeth.  As you can imagine I found it hilarious! NOT!

They also told us today that Eva's blood platelets are low and that they have tested her for some kind of virus that can pass from my breast milk to her.  Full term babies build up immunity to it in the womb.  I cannot remember the name of it and it is not serious but it is something else for us to worry about.  

I have a banging headache and feel totally drained.  It is now 22.23 and only now do I have the energy to write this, I have been asleep on the sofa since we got back from the hospital. The nurses warned us this would happen, that it would hit us a few days afterwards.  Hopefully I am going to feel better tomorrow.