Update

So I have just said my goodbyes to my Mum and Dad and I am sitting on the sofa with Eva beside me in her Winnie the Pooh baby chair.  I have just fed her and she is enjoying looking around and wiggling her little podgy body.  She is 3,5kg and apart from the very small amount of extra oxygen she needs, you would never know that she was born 16 weeks early.  She is perfect.

We have spent the day at the hospital with Emilia, who is progressing really well.  They are gradually increasing her food intake and she has gone from 2 ml upto 35 ml.  She needs to get upto 60 ml for them to be able to take away her drip; something we are looking forward to as it minimises the risk of infection.  She has had lots of cuddles from her Grandparents today and got to have a siesta with Eva after she tried to feed on her face!  They are so cute together.

Even though the ward is small, we are very happy with where Emilia is and the care she is getting.  Luckily there has only been one other baby in the room all weekend, although that baby has severe breathing difficulties and cries a lot; it is heartbreaking to hear.  I am longing for the day when we don't need to go to the hospital.

This is a blog about Emilia and Eva so I will try to keep my ramblings to a minimum about myself, but the past three weeks have been three of the toughest weeks of my life.  My mastitis did not resolve itself and I was put on antibiotics.  The pain in my left breast was so intense that I was on full dose of ibuprofen and paracetamol but I was still feeling pain with flu like symptoms.  In the end they had to put a drain in my left breast and suck the puss out of the right one. It hurt like hell and my milk supply is pathetic.  Emilia is now getting 50% breastmillk, 50% formula, which I hate, but there is nothing I can do about it.  Due to the overwhelming nature of everything and me being so ill I have also felt extremely depressed.  I don't think I have ever needed my Mum as much as I did this past week.  She has literally done everything for me, enabling me to focus on Eva and cope with the tough situation Emila is in; she is an angel and I am so thankful.

But I feel a lot better today and more able to cope with everything (a big relief for my Mum!).  My breasts seem to be on the mend and Eva is living proof that formula is ok.  It's not how I want it to be, but then none of this has was part of my plan.  It is easier said than done, but I am going to try and relax more.  I know it was stress that caused my breast infection and I refuse to let that happen again.  So with Eva in my arms, I am now going to get cuddled up on the sofa and have a little nap with my beautiful baby girl.