Update

We got home late from the hospital yesterday.  Jens held Emilia from 15.00-18.00 and then I held her until 20.30.  She was such a little sweetheart, opening her eyes and making piglet noises.  She is so cute!

Eva is still on her respirator and we are waiting for the results of her heart scan.  She had one yesterday that showed that her ductus valve had opened up again, but only a little bit.  They are going to make a decision today about whether or not she needs the operation.  The biggest part of me wants it to be closed, but then there is a risk it could open again.  At least if she has the operation it will be closed for good and then we can move forward. 

My older sister sister Toni gave birth to a baby girl, Zoe Fern yesterday!  She is healthy and I am so happy for the whole family.  Jens' sister has 2 girls, we have 2 girls and now Toni has a girl too!  Think how much fun they are all going to have when they get together.  I suppose it is these fantasies that are getting me through this. 

While I was holding Emilia yesterday it gave a lot of time to think about everything (Jens went home and came back to pick me up).  I think I am still in shock and I cannot stop thinking about how my body failed them.  Now I need to watch the nurses sticking needles in their tiny arms, see them be pumped full of antibiotics (that I know are stinging their little veins) and I just want to take them home and make it all stop.

Me and Jens are going to start fixing up the garden so they have somewhere lovely to play when they come home.  I am going to start writing the blog in the morning from now on as we are going to be getting back late everyday. All being well, us holding Emilia is going to be a daily thing :)