Babies grow

"Babies grow Paula!", the reassuring words of my parents that ring in my ears.  An obvious fact; but I have had a mini baby for so long who I feed, whose sick I mop up countless times each day.  Each time I get Emilia weighed I feel a stab of disappointment.  I work so hard each day, she is working so hard, but she is still mini.  But babies do grow and she is growing.  She is now 5.6 kg.  She puts on weight slowly but surely and I am sure the day will come when I weigh her and start to cry because i don't feel disappointed.

The combined weight of the twins is now coming in at around 13kg and I am starting to really feel it when I am pushing the pram.  It is tough going but a joyful form of tough.

So I have decided to keep writing!  Quite a few people got in touch with me and told me how they enjoy reading about the little twins. When I am out on my morning walk, I write in my head and it does feel good to keep a record of all that.  For Emilia and Eva and for me too.

It is so clear how much Eva loves Emilia.  She gazes at her and smiles at least a hundred times per day at her perfect little face.  Occasionally Emilia smiles back, but there is an air of nonchalans surrounding her looks and actions.  But this morning, as they were both lying on the bathroom mat, Emilia gently stroked Eva's head for about a minute whilst watching her every move.  I was mesmerized.  

Peace at last

So as a family we have survived a week of being ill, a testament to how well the twins are doing.  It took them both 6 days to get over a very nasty tummy bug.  It all started with Emilia last Wednesday and then Eva had a bad tummy on Saturday night.  I was sick Saturday night, Jens Monday morning.  Caring for sick babies is one thing and just so automatic, but doing it whilst you are sick yourself is one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced.  Throw getting your bathroom renovated at the same time into the mix and it is very hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.  But the light is shining again, the bathroom is well on its way and I have two little angels who radiate an energy that is very difficult to describe.  If destiny exists, then they we were destined to survive and thrive.  Thank you to Claes, Irene and Mandy who dared to enter our house filled of germs and help us.  I am not sure I could have got through it without the help.

Emilia seems to be calming down.  At the last Dr's check we were told that she had late eye development and could only see things at close range.  She now smiles at me from the other side of the room.  She can hold things and put them in her mouth and she can roll from her belly to her back.  Put simply she has caught up to her little big sister Eva.  She is also eating really well.  Sometimes she reacts to drinking from her bottle but feed her with a spoon and she just can't get enough.  So now if she refuses to eat, I just make her a really runny porridge and she eats the lot.  Knowing I have a back up plan has given me incredible peace of mind.

Eva is thriving too :)  She is so cute and lovely and has been so patient over the last few months.  She has started to talk a lot more and is so excited to see us.  Sometimes I wonder if she is going to explode with happiness. They are both just so happy.

I have been thinking a lot about whether I should keep writing.  I would never have started this but for the special circumstances and it feels like finally that phase is over.  The last oxygen cyclinder has been returned and we took back Emilia's breathing alarm and both saturation moniters to the neonatal unit today.  Maybe going there inspired me to write, it is a strange feeling to be somewhere that was such a big part of our lives for so long.  But it feels like all the bad stuff is finally over.  We are like every other family, we even got sick and didn't need to go to the hospital.  We got sick and survived just like everyone else!  It is a milestone, it is bliss.

So I will keep thinking about what to do with my blog.  I want to go more public with it, as a means of supporting people going through this and so when I have some time I will look into that.  We are a big success story and I think that needs to be shared.


Emilia week 24 (that is my hand holding her)

Emilia today 

Eva week 24

Eva today

How much it would change us, we could never know.
But it has been our pleasure to watch them grow.
Their little bodies so small and frail
Justice DID prevail.