Christmas cheer

Well, what a week we have had!  Me and Jens started to feel better the day before we left for England but the girls were still suffering from diarrhoea and not eating properly.  But we decided to risk the journey anyway.  I hardly slept as I was so nervous but as always, my girls never cease to surprise and amaze me and we had a fantastic, fun flight to England, via Dusseldorf (with no dirty nappies).

We had a three hour wait and so found a delicious Italian restaurant where the girls polished off a kiddies spag bol and me and Jens enjoyed the first meal since getting sick.

The virus we had was a horrible one, but we were convinced we were no longer contagious.

36 hours after arriving Grandma Brown was sick, then day by day the exact same virus played out before our eyes. We had planned a traditional Swedish Christmas Eve, which was super fun but poor Grandma spent most of it sleeping on the sofa; with intervals of waking up to see her little Gingerbread girl Eva and Santa Emilia.  They were adorable.

Grandad Brown dressed up as Father Christmas and gave the girls’ their presents.  Eva got scared

but Emilia found an instant new best friend.

Christmas Day was a treat and the girls enjoyed opening their presents.

Grandma, the trooper that she is, kept her spirits as high as she could.  I knew how terrible she felt and so we looked her after her as best we could.

As soon as Emilia got over the virus she caught Eva’s cold which as always developed into a nasty, heart wrenching cough that disturbed her sleep.  Both twins are fine now and we have all been given the privilege of one whole nights sleep in the 10 days we have been here.

I am sitting in the local pub, drinking a pint of Guinness with my lovely husband sitting across from me.  My Mum is making a re-run of Christmas dinner, one that she will be able to enjoy.  The girls are taking their nap and re-charging their batteries for an afternoon of walking practise.  Eva took her first step yesterday and she wants to walk around all the time now with help.  Emilia is coming on well too!  Grandma and Grandad Brown treated them to their first pair of Clark's shoes yesterday.  They had their feet measured like proper big girls.  One of those milestones that gives me a sense of pure inner joy.
  

Two days left until we go back to Sweden.  I keep trying to imagine what it is going to be like when we get home as the dynamics in my family have changed yet again, leaving me doubting my abilities as a twin Mummy.  But I am determined to live in the now and not let the fears of the future creep in.   The things I worry about never materialise anyway, so what is the point?  

We all got sick

The last 24 hours have been very tough.  Eva was sick first, then Jens and then me :(  Me and Jens are about to attempt a happy meal.  Poor little Eva is not doing too great.

Emilia ill

So much for looking forward to the weekend.  At midnight on Friday Emilia woke up crying so I brought her upstairs thinking she must be hungry.  As I was preparing her bottle she vomited a little bit, but then started crying really hard which is really unlike her.  I picked her up and she started retching again on me and big clumps of sick come up.  The kitchen was quite dark and then clumps looked greeny brown, something that we have been told to look out for.  If Emilia were to get a blockage, this is one of the very serious signs.  I just panicked and shouted down the stairs in my very stern teacher voice that Jens had to come up NOW!!  He came and took Emilia, meaning I could inspect the lumps which turned out to be a mixture of green beans and avocado.  My little Emilia is not chewing her food!  After that she seemed ok, so we gave her the bottle and put her to bed. As always I was worried.

After about 10 minutes she started moaning again and then crying so I picked her up and she projectile vomited about four times before I could get to the bathroom. I think I was a bit in shock and Jens had to say to me about three times, "Paula, go to the bathroom!".  We got there in the end and I managed to get her cleaned up, Jens tackled the bedroom with poor little Eva standing up in bed crying, obviously wondering what was going on! We could not settle Eva. As soon as Jens got close Emilia would be sick again.  It was chaos.  In the end, all four of us ended up in our bed.  Emilia then puked all over it, leaving Jens on baby duty while I changed our sheets.

When that was done, Jens sat with Eva and I lay with Emilia, who every 10 minutes or so kept being sick again.  I felt so sorry for her.  All I could do was sit her up and catch what came up, she kept holding her arms out towards me whilst she was retching.  I felt so helpless.  In the end, Jens brought Eva into our bed and we were back to four in the bed, but Emilia's sick episodes were just too stressful for baby Eva so I took Emilia upstairs to the spare bed.  I kept managing to calm her but then she would sit up and be sick again.  By this time not much was coming up but it was still really scary for my little girl.

At about 3am she was able to get some sleep and at 5 she sat up and just grinned at me.  I fed her and she wasn't sick.  She then went back to sleep for another couple of hours.  She had diarrhea all day yesterday and today, but it does seem to be calming down.  She is eating and drinking so I think we can say she is on the mend.

So me and Jens have spent the weekend doing an insane amount of laundry.  I just managed to get the house clean and at 2pm on Sunday I have had my first shower of the weekend and Jens is in there now.   To round off our ill weekend, Eva woke up with a cold!  But so far no signs of anything else and we feel OK too.  This could have been a lot worse.

We are off to England on Friday and had planned to celebrate Christmas with Jens' Mum and Dad today :( But that will have to wait until another time.

Walking

Emilia is now walking with her trolley:

It has to be fair, so here is Eva doing it too:

Eva has been doing this for quite a while now and it just so fantastic to see Emilia being able to do it too!  I am so proud of them.

The last two nights the twins have slept the whole night, which hasn't happened for a long time.  Unfortunately for me I keep waking up even though I feel really exhausted.  Hopefully tonight will be a little bit better.  We have had a good week but I am very happy it is nearly the weekend.  Jens will be home in just over an hour and I cannot wait to get our weekend started.

Liseberg

So that special Friday with Pappa was upon us again and this week we took our little treasures to Liseberg.  Grandma and Grandad came on Wednesday so they were able to accompany us. Irene sorted out some great tickets from her work, meaning the twins got to spend a couple of hours with both sets of Grandparents in a very magical setting.

Christmas at Liseberg really is something else.  Liseberg is a theme park which is open in the warmer months and has lots of great rides, but in winter is transformed into an oasis with real fires and trees dripping in lights.  There really is no better way to get into the Christmas spirit!

As soon as we walked in, all the snow and fairy lights were twinkling around us and one of my favorite Christmas songs was playing.  Then we saw the Liseberg bunny who greeted Emilia and Eva.  It was just one of those special life moments were everything was perfect.  I almost shed a little tear I was so happy.

 
We then went into Santa's house, where Children could write their wish list to Santa and then post it in the wish list processing machine.  Emilia and Eva wished for Elmer books, I wonder if they have been good enough girls this year for that wish to come true?

Then the twins got to ride on the carousel for the first time:

Our final stop was a cafe to defrost! It was about -12 while we there :)

A fun time was had by all!

Thank you Sweden

After reading this article I have realised how lucky I am to live in Sweden:

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-06-02-prematurebabies-survival_N.htm

Air

Had to try out my new computer to see how fast it would be to transfer over a picture!

Faster than our old computer, I guess even a super fast computer cannot upload a picture instantly!  I ended up buying a second hand Air with 7 months warranty left on it.  I love it and feel like I got a good deal :)

The twins are in bed at the same time - AGAIN!  What is going on??  We had a bad night though so feeling pretty tired.  I can only blame myself though.  It felt really cold in our bedroom so I got all worried that the twins would be too cold, I went in and put an extra cover on them both.  Eva woke up and started crying - she slept between us.  About half an hour later Emilia woke up crying really loud!  But I managed to console her and get her back in bed asleep pretty fast.  Hopefully tonight will be a good night so we can enjoy the weekend! 

Slottskogen

We took the twins to the park in the middle of Gothenburg last Friday.  Jens is now working shifts meaning he has every other Friday off.  We have made a promise to always try and do something special on those Fridays.  So Slottskogen was our first Friday family outing!

Eva enjoyed looking at the sheep and moose, snuggled in the safety of her Daddy's arms:

Emilia not so much, haha, she slept the whole time:

She enjoyed the cafe though - those bubbles of joy were literally exploding!

We rounded our morning off on the swings!  The perfect end to our perfect Friday :)

Life

We took the twins to get their eyes tested on Tuesday. Both are doing well when it comes to close range vision and the Dr even said that Eva is more advanced than normal which is great news.  Emilia however has a weaker eye when it comes to seeing distance and so they will keep checking her.  If there is no improvement then she may need to wear a patch for a couple of hours per day. So they will see her again in February and then we will know more.  Both twins have an increased risk of needing glasses in the future because of the laser surgery they have both had.

So for once, both twins are sleeping at the same time!  I never really know what to do with myself when this happens.  We were are at playgroup this morning and they were both so fantastic.  The teachers did some singing and my brave little Eva left my side (in a room full of about 30 people) and went right in front of them and was clapping along to the music!  Bless her.  She really got into it when they sang one of the songs that Jens always sings to her.  I thought my heart was just going to explode.

This really feels like progress as Eva has been struggling a little bit on those rare occassions I have to leave.  She has been a lot better this week and today was testament to her starting to feel secure again.  I still need to cuddle her to sleep, but she has slept the last two nights in her own bed and hasn't cried when she woke up.  This morning her and Emilia were both stood up in bed when I went in having a chit chat!  Today really is one of those perfect days.

In fact the last few days have felt like perfect days.  I am sure things are about to change again, leaving me with that lost feeling, but I feel like I know what I am doing.  I feel like I know my girls and that they know me.  We are flowing along with life and it is nice.  It is all calm and nice :)  It really does take time to accept the huge life change having children brings.

Eva can walk with the help of her trolley and is now standing up for long periods on her own.  On Tuesday when Irene was here she asked Eva where the cat was in a book and she could point it out.  Today as I was reading the twins a story before naptime, I showed Eva who Oscar was and on the next page asked her "Where is Oscar?" and she pointed to him.  She is doing so well!  She has even given both me and Jens a kiss, sweetheart!

Emilia is also coming on in leaps and bounds.  They are so different and are reaching their milestones when they are ready.  Emilia has mastered the art of feeding herself; her delicate, perfect little fingers can even pick up grains of rice!

She literally bubbles with happiness and really seems to love life. One of her favourite things are books and Emilia can stand up alone for a few seconds at a time.

So, time for a coffee and some chocolate!

May

I was just looking through all our pictures and found this one that I wish I had posted after our trip to Stockholm.  So here it is, it made me smile!

Daddy

I just realised that I haven't mentioned Emilia and Eva's Daddy.  I am not sure how many Dads would happily allow his family to be in another country for 12 days, but for the sake of the twins' relationship with their Grandma and Grandad and as it is something really important to me, he thought it was a good idea.  I think the twins handled being away from their Dad as well as can be expected and the heartfelt reunion at the airport made it all worth it.  I thought Emilia was literally going to burst with happiness and Jens got the privilege of one of Eva's special sweet smiles the second she lay eyes on him (it usually takes quite a lot of work to gain Eva's affections ;)).  During all of this me and my Mum were recovering from the flight, but I think it helped us calm down a little bit.

Jens will always have a soothing effect on me, he is my calm in this crazy child rearing storm.

Back home

So we are back in Sweden after our 2 week England trip.  Apart from our flight home being cancelled, delaying us for a day, everything went pretty smooth.  The flight home was more challenging than the flight there and we will always try and go for a morning flight in future.  My Mum and Dad flew back with us, so I was thinking two adults, three babies, piece of cake!  Little did I know that my Dad wouldn't be allowed to sit with us. BA had allocated us on a row with only 4 oxygen masks and because the flight was full, my Dad got moved up to first class!  So as me and my Mum are trying to amuse two very tired and fussy babies, my Dad got a taste of the the high life.  The only consolation was the coffee that got spilled on him and three bottles of champagne he got as compensation that he gave to me :)  I am glad he got something good, I just wish my Mum had also got a piece of it.  What she got instead was baby Emilia who kept being sick!

My Mum and Dad had really pulled out all the stops for their granddaughters.  Their rooms were beautiful and they had lots of toys from the local car boot to keep them amused.  It was really lovely for me to see how they must have been with me and Toni when we were babies and the whole experience has given me more confidence to be as good of a Mum as I can be.  Baby Eva has been pretty clingy during our stay and most nights she has woken up and needed to sleep the rest of the night with me.  Meaning I couldn't be there for Emilia but my Mum tended to every cry.  There was one night when we were all up at 2 in the morning:

But for the most parts the nights have been pretty calm.  Both of the twins are teething like crazy (Emilia finally cut her second front one when we got home) but as always they are little troopers just getting on with things.

My friend Caroline came for a visit with baby Charlie.  It was so nice to be able to talk about everything with a close friend that has been through something similar.  Baby Charlie spent 2 weeks in intensive care, but now he is doing great and enjoyed meeting his new mini friends!

Here are a few more pictures from our trip:

England

Like I said, our flight went really well and as my girls never cease to amaze me, Emilia slept on me!  She was sitting on my knee and then she kind of wriggled back into a lying down position, turned her head away from me, got stuck into sucking her well loved thumb and joined slumber land.  It was Eva, our sweet gentle soul that kept the whole plane awake! haha.  She wasn't really crying just being very loud.  Another gentle reminder for us to expect the unexpected or perhaps to stop expecting anything at all.  

So  I got to see Toni, Barry and my beautiful little niece Zoe who unfortunately got a fever before she left the states and was struggling with a very nasty cough.  She was a little trooper though and spent lots of time hugging and kissing her cousins and being a cheeky little monkey.  The twins also got to meet most of my extended family and we even had a trip up to Manchester where they got to see their Great Grandad and Nanna for the first time.  It was all really lovey, exhausting but lovely and now I get to bask in all the memories from the past few days that are over, as always, much too quickly.  

Pictures speak a thousand words so here a few that sum up the past week:

Toni and Zoe

At the pub for the first time :) 

At a hotel for the first time meeting Great Grandad, Nanna and Cousin Liam:

Playtime:

Tomorrow

So we leave for England tomorrow!  I am very excited but nervous at the same time.  Hopefully with around the clock help from my Mum and Dad I will have time to write my blog, but in case I don't I wanted to write a quick update as so much as happened.

Eva has 6 teeth now and she has had a real hard time getting them.  She now refuses to sleep unassisted and each time she sleeps she needs to be held tight.  If she wakes up in the night then we have to put her in bed with us.  Mandy was here last night and we were talking about it and she said a phrase which is appparently well known in this crazy baby world "You can't book it".  Meaning no book can say how to deal with this madness and I agree.  Eva has been "text book" for most of her baby life and by that I mean could self soothe and needed very little help from us in getting off to sleep.  We looked for tired signs and as soon as we saw them she was straight into bed.  But then one day it all changed.  We have tried everything, even the horrible method of leaving her to cry.  That didn't work and just left my angel in a state that tore open my heart.  So we are just going with it, if she needs to be held then we will hold her for as long as it takes.

I have not been feeling too great recently and I have just been able to identify why.  When they don't do what I want I feel like a failure, I feel frustrated.  But I need to just accept that they will almost always do the opposite of what I want and use that as my starting point.  Yesterday, as I had a wriggling Eva in my arms and an Emilia in her bed, walking around the sides and shouting "Ahh duh" (the only thing she says!) I thought to myself, what are they stopping me from doing by being awake.  I wanted to sort the laundry and clean the bathroom (riveting stuff), so I put them in the pack and play by the bathroom and left them to play while I did my jobs.  It felt good! Then I tried again, Eva went to sleep, Emilia refused so I put her in her high chair and unloaded the dishwasher.  When I had finished doing what I needed to do I let her play.  When Eva woke up Emilia went down!

(So yet another post that did not get finished or posted! - the flight went really well and as I type this both babies are sleeping at the same time)

Relaxed

For the first time, for as long as I can remember, Emilia has relaxed on me.  I keep testing having her on my knee for long periods and she almost fell asleep in my arms, nestled into my hair whilst sucking her thumb.  Next Thursday we are flying to England and I am feeling pretty nervous about it.  I am a bad flyer anyway,  but my fear of actually being in a plane has been overtaken by the fear of having my very energetic Emilia on my knee for a plane journey.  How will I keep her occupied? and how are we going to get her to sleep when she is tired?  She only sleeps in her bed or in the pram.  Both of which we won't have.  I know we will get there one way or another, but like all parents I am not looking forward to this plane journey!

The twins have survived their third cold and are back to sleeping all night!  Thankfully!  I have decided to avoid playgroup until after we have been to England.  The second we step foot in that place they get sick!

(I wrote this on Monday, just after I had written it I tested Emilia for a fever and she had one - haha, explaining her calm behaviour.  They had their measles vaccination and it is a side effect from that.  She is now back to her wriggly self!).

Emilia slept

Yes, my baby girl slept the whole night.  She woke up briefly at 10, but Jens managed to soothe her in bed :)  It is now 7.00am and she is still in bed.  Eva has been up for over an hour and is full of energy, currently crawling around my feet like a little puppy.

A puppy is one way to describe the twins but they are more like little crazed zombies.  Sometimes they crawl up me together, grabbing everything in sight making zombi noises.  They are very cute zombies and it is funny to watch.

I am feeling much better, a bit of a sore throat but I think everyone is a bit sick at the moment.  I am just so so so thankful that we all got some well needed sleep :)

Bring on the weekend and the arrival of my Mum and Dad!

Cough

Autumn is here and the new things I was anticipating have slapped me in the face in the form of a very nasty cough.  I am sick, Eva is sick but my little Emilia has been hit the hardest of us all.  I have seen my little princess in some pretty bad states during her short life, but nothing compared to the last three nights.  I saw a Dr yesterday and we were sent to the Emergency Room where she was diagnosed with baby asthma.  We were given some medicine that relaxes her body and helps her breathe more easily.  With retrospect we should have reacted earlier, on the first night at 12.45 I was ready to take her in, but when I called the advice line I was told to give her a warm drink and just to keep comforting her.  So that is what we did.  Jens is with me and is as always my reassuring rock but sometimes only Mummy will do.  This is one of those times and I have never felt more needed by my little warrior.

I have re-invented myself as a living Zombi.  My babies still need food, Eva who slept 12 hours needed me at 6.30 this morning when Emilia, after her exhausting night, crashed into slumber. I was jealous;  I wanted to join her so bad. It think it is something to do with hormones but however bad I feel, I hear her chest rattle and forget myself, I hear her screams and it cuts into me in ways I cannot describe.  Where her pain goes, I go and we will ride this out together.  I am no longer a player in this game just an observer who exists to ease and soothe and make the badness go away.

As always I am thankful for any help available.  Mandy came over and brought lunch for me and the girls (homemade soup - delicious) and Farfar came over to help today.  My Mum and Dad help me look after the twins via video chat and are always helping me to keep my spirits up.  They are coming this weekend and I am longing for their visit.  You see only my Mummy will do when it comes to getting me back on track.  It is just the way it is!  I had my babies in a different country to them and in times of sickness I pay that high price.

I am praying for a night where I can sleep and relax and where my angels can have a peaceful, undisturbed rest.  

Giving blood

Yesterday me and Farfar took the twins into the city, on the bus, to get their passports.  It is the first time I have been on the bus with them and it went really well.  As always they were little angels and I was left feeling very proud of them.  We had anticipated a long wait at the passport office but we were seen straight away and the whole process took no more than 10 minutes.  Like I said, they were little angels and before we knew it me and Claes were standing in the middle of Gothenburg with the sun shining down on us.

I have wanted to give blood since the beginning of the year.  I think you need to wait 6 months after giving birth, but the opportunities for me to actually do it are few and far between these days.   I get really tired after, so looking after my little crawling rugrats afterwards isn't the easiest thing. But Irene was coming over after work and we had about 2 hours before the twins needed lunch, so it felt like the best time to do it.

So as I am waiting I started feeling a little bit scared of the needle (I have given blood lots of times) which then got me thinking about all the times my little ones needed blood, which got me thinking about how much it must have hurt them and how many bags of blood they needed to survive.  I do not know how many but almost every day there was a new bag of blood hanging by their beds.  Then I felt the well inside me start to open and i tried my best to not to cry, I even went into the toilet and told my reflection to pull myself together, but there was just something about being there that brought it all back.  When the Nurse took me into the little room to ask me how my pregnancy had been, I just broke down.  It was only a tiny emotional explosion and I felt a lot better aftwerwards but I was so moved by the whole experience.

Blood doners are heroes and I believe that every healthy person has a duty to give blood.  Oh and when she put the needle in, I hardly felt it :)

Still opposite

Yet another example of how different my twins are.  Here is Emilia eating a sandwich, you would think it was the most precious thing to find its way into her soft little hands:

 Here is Eva eating a sandwich, or should I say, destroying her sandwich:

There is NOTHING the same about them :)

We just spent a weekend at the cabin, it was so lovely to be able to get away.  Unfortunately we forgot the camera, but here are a few pictures from when we were there in July:

Chilling out in the swing:

 

Play time:

Sleep time:

Happiness:

Good times!  The twins are now professional crawlers and our house has never looked so tidy .  I am sure they will be walking soon :)