6 months today

So we have made it to the 6 month mark :)  Jens' Mum and Dad came over at 08.00am to take care of Eva and Emilia while I did my exam.  They had some cakes with them and when I had finished we sat and drank coffee and ate the yummy cakes while talking about the journey we have all been on and just marvelling at how well they are doing now.  It feels so weird to reflect upon it all, it feels almost dream like.

Emilia and Eva's English and Swedish Grandparents have supported all of us throughout.  They have helped with hospital/ Dr's visits, helped feed Emilia when she was at her most difficult, cooked for us, cleaned, taken our rubbish and on Sunday we will be getting some wood from the cabin.  It has all been really overwhelming for me and there haven't been many days were me and my Mum haven't talked on Gchat.  I am not sure how I would have got through the days without my morning pep talks.  I suppose that is what Mums and Dads do, give their children the strength they need to get through life.  When one of the twins are ill I just have this overwhelming need to be with the ill one as much as possible.  I am so glad Jens respects that and can give all he has to the well one.  He is such a thoughtful sweetheart and knows just what I need.

All the time Emilia has been ill, Eva has been so easy to care for.  Well, at the hospital on Monday night she returned the favour and slept like a little angel the whole time we were caring for Eva.  Is it possible that they somehow sense it?

I am not sure if I have written it before, but I LOVE being a twin mummy :)  I haven't really been able to understand how anybody could have a baby and then want to have another one.  But now I can and who knows, maybe little Ivan Arthur Lindqvist will be a reality one day :)

Don't worry Jens, I am only kidding!!!!

3

1. Eva is feeling much better and is back to her usual self.  I don't want to go into too much detail about my daughter's nappy habits, but a strange development has occurred.  She has done about 6 breastmilk poos (our nurse confirmed it today) which is very bizarre considering she has only breastfed a small amount (or at least I thought so) and the last time she did it was last Sunday!  Since her big clear out she has improved and I am so relieved.  I have been so worried about my little princess.  She now weighs 5430g.

2. Emilia got the all clear on her ear!  She is still eating well and is much calmer.  We just had Emilia weighed and she had put on 175g over 11 days (4240g), which is a bit on the low side.  But over the 11 days she hasn't had her feeding tube so I think we are making progress.  Our Nurse did not seem concerned and thought she looked really healthy.  The problem we have with Emilia now is that she is sick a lot.  I am sure that is going to improve soon too and then she will be my little fatty!  Good things come in small packages and Emilia feels good, which is the main thing.  She smiled at me for the first time the other day :)

3. Amidst all of my worry I managed to do my exam :)  I am not sure if I am going to pass but I did my best, so fingers crossed I can now put all my efforts into being a mummy of twins and get prepared for Jens going back to work.  This is the last day of Jens being off work because he is caring for a seriously ill child. We now get to take his paternity leave which lasts for 1 month.

Lets hope it is a month where we can just kick back, relax and enjoy our beautiful baby girls.  They are so amazing and we feel very blessed and so happy!

Eva

So as always our little family bubbles gets burst almost as quickly as it comes and since my last blog little Eva has been ill.  We took her to the emergency room on Monday night as her behaviour changed completely.  She stopped eating as much, was hardly moving and did a projectile vomit.  So we waited and just kept watching her and then she sicked up another feed and so I called the neonatal ward who told us to take her in.  We were there until 4.00am and after doing a series of tests the Dr said she wasn't worried and sent us home.  So we have no idea what it was.  She seems to be doing OK this morning and just ate 120 ml which is the most she has eaten since being ill.

So I am at home with Eva and Jens and his Dad are taking Emilia to the hospital to get her ear checked.

I have insanely made the decision to take an exam on Friday.  I have been so stressed about Eva that I have hardly had any time to study, but I am going to give it a go anyway.  It has been hanging over me since the Summer and I have tried to take it numerous times, the last date was Emilia's big operation so I couldn't do it.

So fingers crossed that Eva keeps getting better, Emilia gets the all clear on her ear and that I pass this stupid exam that I wish would just disappear.

Fire

On the up again :)

Emilia is doing so much better.  She is sleeping and eating well and we have been able to take away her oxygen again; hopefully for good this time.

Us all sleeping downstairs as a family is also working out really well and in this phase of our babies lives, they are sleeping during the night and only waking up for feeds.  I am not sure if it is because of our bedtime routine but whatever the reason we feel really lucky.

I feel like we are finally able to get to know our little Emilia, who seems to be thriving (I still don't dare to count those chickens!).  I keep thinking back to the two weeks when my family were here visiting.  I didn't get to document  much of what was going on and I don't want to forget how it was.  My Mum got up at 04.00 am everyday (my Dad did the same most of the days), which meant Jens could go to bed earlier and I could have a lie in.  It felt great to know my babies were in the hands of people I trust as much as my own.  It was a tough two weeks for Emilia and everyone involved as it was so clear that she was in pain.  To sit with a baby who cannot relax and to hold her still while I had to re-tape her nasal cannula and put her feeding tube back in place, is not an easy thing to do, but as a family we all just got on with it and gave her everything we had.  It seems to have worked :)

The twins got a pandora bracelet each from Grandma and Grandad Brown for Christmas.  I know they are going to love collecting the charms and it will be something special for them to treasure forever.

We took the twins down to our local lake yesterday and it was so beautiful :)  I sang a little song to them while they were in the hospital and a small part of it was:
So lets go out to the water's edge, where we can finally be alone.

It was a very special experience. :)

And now we are going to do something that feels a little bit naughty.  It is snowing outside and for the past 2 months we haven't been able to light our fire.  All the oxygen tubes are safely in our outside storage so to celebrate our beautiful family and Emilia's and Eva's fight for life we are going to light our fire!

HOORAY!

2 steps forward, 1 step back.

We have been forced to re-connect Emilia's oxygen :(  She got so tired and would not eat anything at her bedtime feed last night.  Then again in the night it took a long time to get her to eat only 75ml and this morning she only ate 30ml.  So I called the neonatal ward and was ready to take her in to get her another feeding tube.  The night shift was just ending and they asked me to call back in half an hour.  During this time Emilia woke up and starting crying for food and subsequently ate 70ml.  Since then she has eaten a full 100ml feed.

In the past, when she hasn't eaten properly, she has actively refused food, but this was something different.  She was too tired to eat.  She had been on the borderline with her oxygen saturation and this is the only reason we can think of as to why she was unable to eat.  We have learnt a valuable lesson.  The next time we test her without oxygen we will not hesitate to re-connect it.  Emilia putting on weight and having the strength to eat is the most important thing.  It is easy to loose sight of that when we see her without her nasal cannula.  We just want her to be able to be like every other baby, not restricted by an oxygen tube that has to follow her around everywhere.

On a more positive note, we all slept down in the basement, as a family for the first time.  The twins were each in their own bed, in their own rooms.  We have started with a bedtime routine and they both slept really well, as did we.  It just felt so right being in their little frog room :)

Is Jens psychic?

Emilia got the all clear on her hips :) Hooray!
She is still eating well, without extra oxygen.  Looks like Daddy Lindqvist is a bit of a psychic.

Still good :)

Emilia had a bit of a tough night but today has been really great again.  We have been able to take away her oxygen and we had to take away her feeding tube as it started to come out.  We have not needed to use it anyway for the last 13 feeds so I hope it all keeps going so well.  If not, all we need to do is go to the neonatal ward and they will sort another one.  She is sleeping really deeply and after every feed she is active for a little while but then goes really calm and wants to sleep.  It feels like her body is finally trying to heal itself.  Sleep, after all, is the best medicine :)

I feel a little bit anxious about tomorrow, we want the all clear on her hips so much. Jens said by the 16th her feeding tube and oxygen would be gone and her hips will be good.  Are his predictions going to be correct?

Things seem to be looking up

We have not needed to use Emilia's feeding tube for her last 6 feeds :)  We are now using a different bottle and it seems to be working much better.  She has also been a lot calmer and has had good quality sleeps during the day.  I feel so relieved :) :)

Here is a picture of Eva cuddling Leicester the second:

Here is Eva sitting up on the sofa with Daddy:

Toni has left

I just took my sister to the airport after her lovely two week visit and I am devastated.  The past weeks have been non-stop baby action, interjected with stolen moments of joke sharing and catching up.  I cannot believe it is all over and that I have no idea when I will see her again :(  Why do I live in Sweden and her in USA, what were we thinking?

Getting to know my giant niece (hehe) has been very special.  I have been showered with smiles, drowned in her teething drool and watched her learn to clap her hands.  I fell in love with her instantly and it has just got stronger and stronger.  I know I should feel happy that I got to meet her but right now all I can think about is how much I am going to miss her.

Eva is now over 5kg and is doing great.  Both the twins have had colds and it affected Eva quite badly to the point where I took her to the hospital.  She has made a full recovery!  She has started to smile a lot more and Jens saw her laugh this morning.  My little Eva is adorable.

Emilia is doing OK.  We were forced to get her another feeding tube as she wasn't putting on enough weight and feeding her was really tough and stressful.  She has also needed oxygen again and when she had her cough and cold she needed quite a lot.  On one of the days her cough was a lot worse so I had to take her to the Dr's.  She is now being sick a lot more too and at times just cannot seem to relax.  It breaks my heart to see her like that.  It really has been non-stop and it is very difficult for me to see light at the end of the tunnel.

I am taking her to the hospital this afternoon to get her feeding tube re-taped and then she is having an appointment with a lung specialist.  It is a routine thing for all babies with extra oxygen.  She is getting her hips checked on Monday and we are hoping so much for an all clear.  Her hip brace just makes caring for her even more stressful for her and us.