Update

Emilia is still on the mend which is great news.  They managed to reduce the pressure on her respirator significantly and it is looking like she will be back on the cpap machine tomorrow and reunited with Eva :)  So I should be really happy but just before we left I had a bad experience.

I watched the nurses turn Emilia and she started turning blue and they had to ventilate her.  It has been a long time since I have seen this and it is just the worst thing ever to witness.  They only needed to do it for about 20 seconds so for them it was nothing serious, but for me it is like a knife is twisting in my heart.  My baby has had enough now.  The nurses also asked me to change her nappy, I should have said no as I was so scared of hurting her.  But I did it anyway and it just took it out of me.  As the nurse was sucking the saliva out of her throat, which involves putting a tube down there and makes her wriggle because it is so uncomfortable, she cracked some joke about me cleaning her teeth.  As you can imagine I found it hilarious! NOT!

They also told us today that Eva's blood platelets are low and that they have tested her for some kind of virus that can pass from my breast milk to her.  Full term babies build up immunity to it in the womb.  I cannot remember the name of it and it is not serious but it is something else for us to worry about.  

I have a banging headache and feel totally drained.  It is now 22.23 and only now do I have the energy to write this, I have been asleep on the sofa since we got back from the hospital. The nurses warned us this would happen, that it would hit us a few days afterwards.  Hopefully I am going to feel better tomorrow.  

Morning update

Emilia is getting 35% oxygen this morning and the nurse thought she looked better too :) 

:)

Emilia: 44% oxygen and less pressure on her respirator.

Eva: 27% oxygen.

Bad start, good finish

I called for an update this morning and was told that Emilia had been delicate during the night and was now back on 96% oxygen.  Not a nice way to start to the day.  She has improved a lot again during the day and when we left she was getting 60%.  The Dr thinks that the reason for the change was that she had stomach pains.  During the night she passed quite a lot of hard poo into her bag.  Today her poo looked like normal milk poo and she has been a lot better.  So panic over! Our Dr has told us that he is not worried about what happened.

I breastfed Eva for the first time today :)  Well, I didn't really feed her, but she had my nipple in her mouth for about 30 minutes and did a lot of licking and exploring.  Afterwards she was so exhausted that she lay on me for about 2 hours and didn't move a muscle!  Bless!  I loved every second of it, she is so adorable.

We have bought our family car today too!  Not sure how we managed to even go and look at it after getting the morning news, but we said that if Emilia had improved when we arrived at the hospital that we would buy it.  She had improved so we bought it!  It is a Kia Cee'd estate, dark grey, diesel automatic with a leather interior.  It even has a tow bar so ticks all of our boxes! 

So it has been a day of mixed emotions that has ended on a high note :)

Update

Just called for an update.  42% oxygen!  She is getting better all the time :)

55% Oxygen :)

We just left beautiful Emilia with 55% oxygen.  She has been super stable all day, it is such a relief :)  The Dr is happy with her progress.

Eva has had another good day and they were able to reduce her amount of oxygen too. 

Me and Jens should be able to get a good nights sleep tonight and wake up rested for the first time in 5 days.  It really has been a lovely way to mark the 32 week mark, we are halfway there!

Update

I called for an update when I woke up at 07.30 and nothing had changed.  At one point during the night they were able to bring her oxygen down to 88% but now she is back up to 96%.  They also changed the settings on her respirator but she reacted badly to that so they had to change them back.  She was about to get a blood transfusion and some medicine to help her urinate more.

I feel completely exhausted today.  I managed to go back to sleep after ringing them and now I am forcing some porridge down.  As soon as I am showered and ready we are going to spend the afternoon at the hospital and we are meeting with the psychologist at 16.00.  Jens' Mum and Dad are coming to see the twins tonight and then we are all coming back here for dinner.  I have asked them to take everything "twin related" to their apartment until we need it.  Not because I don't think she is going to make it, because I do.  It is just hard seeing the worlds nicest pram waving at me during this really tough time.  There is an old wives tale too that says it is bad luck to keep a pram in your house until your baby comes home.  Like I said before, I am prepared to do anything to make sure my daughter survives.