Update

Unfortunately we couldn't sleep at the hospital last night :(  Eva had about four episodes during the afternoon and evening where she stopped breathing.  She didn't need to be ventilated and managed to fix it each time herself but the Dr felt that it wasn't worth the risk and neither did we!  One of the early signs of an infection is a change in breathing patterns so she was tested yesterday afternoon and once in the night.  The afternoon test was negative and I don't know about the night test.  But I do know that she breathed her way through the night so fingers crossed it was nothing serious.

A similar thing happened when my Mum was with us;  she was sick and then swallowed it again and then she dipped in her oxygen saturation.  As always I have a theory!  I think it is all connected with her breastfeeding and not being fed via her feeding tube. Over the past few days she has undergone some major changes. I ran it by the Dr who though it was possible (but not likely, haha!).  The good news is that they are keeping a close eye on her and she is the picture of health with her little chubby legs and rosy cheeks.

Grandma Lindqvist got to have cuddles with her yesterday :)

My heart was literally ripped open and stamped upon yesterday when I had to watch my beautiful Emilia recovering from her eye operation.  Her eyes are really swollen with puss coming out of them and she kept getting a pained look on her face.  The problem is that she still doesn't cry.  Her oxygen saturation remained stable, stopping the nurses from knowing that she needed help.  So she was just lying there literally writhing in pain.  They upped her pain medication after I kept telling them about it.

We ended up staying at the hospital last night until 23.00 just holding her and stroking her little head.  It is a lovely feeling knowing that we can calm her. She properly breastfed last night for the first time too, so it isn't all doom and gloom.

I just want it all to stop! When my little girl gets home she is going to have the most beautiful, warm, safe and loving life possible, that will hopefully make up for all this!

So today is a new day!  Like yesterday we will be going to the hospital armed with our cooler box and overnight bag in the hope that our little Eva can party with us tonight :)

Breastfeeding day :)

Eva breastfed four times yesterday :)  The first time she took 50 ml  and then because she is so clever and seems to have mastered the art she is being left to her own devices and will be weighed daily to check that she is getting what she needs.  So when I am there she will just feed from me :)  I worked out before that I have pumped approximately 350 times so all my dedication has now paid off.  Emilia's food intake is still being closely monitered so for now I cannot breastfeed her.

So we are now treating Eva like any new born baby.  We are expected to be there much more so her breastfeeding can become established and then her feeding tube can be removed.  We are sleeping at the hospital on Friday and then I can feed her through the night.  Oxygen and a breathing monitor have been ordered and all being well, she should be coming home next week :)  We picked up our car yesterday and will be taking their pram and bed home from Jens' Mum and Dad tonight so it is all go.  Everything feels a little bit daunting but I cannot wait to have my baby with me all the time.

Emilia is doing her best to fully fight off the infection.  She is going to be moved to the surgical ward after her eye operation and then hopefully her intestine will be re-attached.  When that happens she will get her own room and then me and Eva will stay over with her.  My baby girl is not going to be alone!  She sat cuddled up to her Grandma yesterday afternoon which gave her the chance to fully relax and get a good sleep.  She is a little angel and we are so proud of her.

Update

Emilia and Eva are back in the same bed.  Emilia has spent the last few days recovering after her operation and today she was back to her normal, very awake, little self :)

Both girls have been seeing the eye doctor for the last couple of weeks.  It is quite common for premature babies  to need a laser operation to make sure their eyes develop properly.  Unfortunately Emilia needs to have it :(, which will involve another dose of anaesthetic.  Eva's eyes have progressed and at the moment she doesn't need the treatment but that could change so they will be checking her every week.

Over the weekend I have spent a lot of time with Eva at my breast.  Although she is very interested, because she is still so young she ususally falls asleep after a few minutes of exploration.  Last night she was sick for the first time which is a sign that she is getting milk from me.  So today we weighed her before I breastfed her and then after and she had sucked 30ml!  How cool is that!  Nothing happened the second time but she is definitely moving in the right direction.

My Mum has been with me most of the time which has been lovely and a great support.  We are now able to book a room where we can be alone with Eva and start taking more responsibility. There have been a few stressful moments but for the most part we have handled it really well.  I feel like I am really getting to know my little Eva and it is lovely.

Eva's been on a journey!!

For the first time Eva has left her room, gone down the corridor and spent the evening with us and her Grandparents :) Grandma and Grandad Brown got to hold my little angel and she loved it as much as they did.  We are all sitting round the fire with a lovely warm glow, it is beautiful.

Emilia had a small operation today to set an entrance into her major vein.  This involved her having a general anaesthetic and now she is recovering on a respirator.  We have lit her candle and are all hoping that she is going to feel better soon.  

Update

We found out this morning that Emilia's infection value had increased again.  At the hospital yesterday she had to go back on cpap machine and looked really tired, so it did not come as too much of a shock.  They took another blood sample at 14.00 and the value has decreased again.  She was back on the nasal cannula and seemed much more like her normal self.   The culture has come back from the lab showing a type of bacteria in her blood that people usually don't react to.  She got the specific type of antibiotic needed to treat it today and she is still getting a broad spectrum of antibiotics.

An ultrasound of her entire body is scheduled for tomorrow.  We have been assured that they are keeping a very close eye on her and hopefully they will get to the bottom of this soon.

When we arrived this morning Eva was wearing a normal nasal cannula instead of the one that has pressure and moisture.  If she needs to have oxygen at home then this is the kind that she would wear.  She reacted extremely well to the change :)

So the last few days have left us with mixed feelings.  Eva's progress is fantastic and she is doing better than we ever could have expected, but all of our joy is clouded by the uncertainty surrounding baby Emilia.  Deep down though I know she is going to be ok.  Whether she needs to have another operation or if it is down to her body to adapt and repair then I know she will fix whatever needs fixing.

Jens' Mum and Dad have treated us to an overnight spa break in the city tomorrow, which is something we really need and appreciate (tusen tack Claes och Irene).  So we will be spending the morning cuddling our beautiful twins and the afternoon being massaged and pampered :), followed by a juicy steak and big glass of red wine.

Update

Emilia is doing much better and is back on the nasal cannula :)  When they took out the needle into her central vein she improved dramatically so they think that bacteria had grown on that.  They have taken a culture so we should get a definite answer at some point this week. 

Hopefully they will be back in the bed together soon, but for now Eva is enjoying being a princess in her king size bed!

Update

Since we left the hospital Emilia has improved.  She had more energy in the night and the nurses are not too worried about her.  We are going there this morning and will get more information.