Update

Emilia moved to the surgical ward yesterday where they will gradually increase her food intake.  This is a very positive step for her but we still have no idea how long it will be before she comes home.

I got a bit of a shock as the new room is really small and shared with 3 other families :(  But we just have to suck it up and get on with it and just do everything we can to help Emilia get through this.  She is now eating 10ml per feed and they let her suck on me; she took 20ml in about 4 minutes!  So the next breastfeeding session is going to have to wait until she is used to eating larger amounts.  I really need her to suck the mastitis out of me as Eva is still not sucking well.  Sometimes she does ok, but most of the time it just tickles.

I started taking antibiotics 5 days ago and have been very ill and depressed over the weekend.  I am still in a lot of pain and have to take ibuprofen, but I no longer have a fever.  I am seeing the Dr again tomorrow.  Luckily my Mum flew out last Friday to help us and to be honest I don't know what I would have done without her.  Just coping with a new baby at home is tough, add a flu like fever, excruciating breast pain and another new born in intensive care and it is hard not to feel completely overwhelmed, helpless and hopeless.

But I have got through it and feel a lot better today.  As Eva was awake for a large part of the night she is now sleeping like a little princess in her carry cot on the sofa and I just napped with my head snuggled into hers.  For the most part she is no trouble at all and is very relaxed with us at home.  Even when we have to take her to the hospital she just sleeps and lets us give our attention to Emilia.

 

Update

Emilia is no longer on the respirator and is back on the nasal canula.  With a little bit of help from one of the Nurses she did her first poo just before we left the hospital.  She was really awake and less swollen than she was on Monday.  We met up with her surgeon this afternoon and she is happy with Emilia's progress, so things are looking up.

We lay Eva next to her so that they could have some sister cuddling time; they held hands straight away and Emilia's saturation shot up to 100 (the hightest it can be).  I even asked if Eva could spend the night with Emilia but they said no :(  I hate the fact that the weakest one in our family is all alone, it seems so unjust.  But it is just a matter of time until Emilia will be moved to the surgical ward and then hopefully we will get our own room and can all be together.

I met the lactation consultent who thought we should pipette milk into the nipple sheild when Eva is feeding, as a means to stimulate her sucking.  I do feel a lot better as she has told me that I don't need to pump after every feed and she showed me how to hand milk myself, which is a much more effective way of getting the higher fat content milk out.  She also believed that one of my very sore, red lumps needs to be sucked out with a needle.  I am meeting with the Dr tomorrow and hopefully it will get sorted once and for all.

Eva had her first week at home check-up today and they were very happy with her progress!  She now weighs 3015kg and is 40,5cm long.  Emilia is being weighed tomorrow.

Update

Emilia is still recovering after her operation, she is stable and still on the respirator.  When they opened her up to operate they found bacteria in her stomach so she is being treated with more antibiotics.  Me and Jens have been taking it in turns to go and visit her, enabling Eva to get settled in at home.

It is really lovely to have Eva at home, but it is so hard for me to relax as I am so worried about Emilia.  When I visited her on Sunday I got really upset when I saw her as she was so swollen and looked the same as she did when she had the life threatening sepsis infection.  The nurses have assured me that her reaction to the surgery is normal and they are not worried.  I have been able to get some comfort from their words.  I think we are both just overwhelmed.

I am still struggling with painful lumps in my breasts too and unfortunately my milk is still not flowing :(  So sometimes we have to give Eva formula. She is not sucking as she should either so I am meeting with a lactation consultant on Thursday morning.  I met with a Dr on Monday who did an ultrasound on my breasts and didn't find any infection so I just need to take ibuprofen to bring down the swelling.  To be honest I don't really feel 100% well, which just makes everything so much harder.

Update

Emilia's operation went well!  No more poo bag :)  We have left her stable at the hospital in the healing hands of the wonderful nurses.

As I am typing this, little Eva is in the basements with Jens.  We brought her home about 2 hours ago and it feels fantastic.  To mark the occassion, Eva had an excellent breastfeeding session with me on the sofa.

I am feeling pretty exhausted and it all feels like a bit of a dream, but knowing that Eva will always be with us is such a comfort.

Update

So where do I start?  It has been 5 days since I last wrote anything and so many things have haopened.  For those of you who just want a quick update; the girls are doing really well and hit the 38 week mark today :)  Eva had her eye operation today and it went well.  She came off her respirator in the operating theater and is now back on the nasal cannula with a small amount of oxygen.  Emilia is scheduled to have her intestine re-attached on Friday :)  I nearly burst into tears when our Dr told us the news; we have been hoping for this for so long.  Unfortunately she has been given an emergency operating time so if a more serious case comes in, then the surgery will have to be postponed.  Fingers crossed all goes to plan.

So there are two reasons why I haven't updated the blog; the first is lack of internet at the hospital and the second is that I have had mastitis (mjölkstocking) for the last 4 days.  I had a high fever (it is as bad as having the flu) and extreme pain in both of my breasts, it really is a horrible thing to get! We were also told on Friday that we are now expected to be at the hospital 24/7 and that if we needed to run errands then one of us must be there to care for our babies.  So we knew that the gourmet restaurant experience was going to be our last real night of freedom, so of course I started feeling weird halfway through the dinner with excrutiating pain in my left breast.  We had planned to sleep at the hospital with Eva after the restaurant but I felt so bad that I just couldn't face it.

I called the hospital Saturday morning and was told that our babies needed us even though I was ill and so we went to the hospital.  How we got through the last few days is beyond my comprehension.  Jens had to do everything for all three of us, while I just stepped up for breastfeeding and baby snuggles.  

Unfortunately I am still not producing enough milk to feed Eva and Emilia :(  Everybody tells me not to be stressed about it and that it is most likely stress that caused the mastitis.  I have pumped for the last three months with this as my goal.  When, after Eva has been sucking for 45 minutes she is still showing me she is hungry it is hard not to be stressed.  Plus she is so little that she doesn't have the energy to suck as long as she wants to.  We have been forced to give her formula after her breastfeeding attempts and prioritise Emilia with my breast milk.

So we have just spent our last night at home, just the two of us.  Eva has been given the time she needs to rest after her operation and she willl sleep with us tonight.  I have just had a really good nights sleep and feel like myself again.  Eva is ready to come home, so there is a big chance that on Friday night my little Eva will get to sleep in her own bed for the first time and meet Whiskey.  It is hard for us to imagine her being here, it is hard to comprehend that we have made it this far.

But most of my thoughts are with Emilia, my beautiful little fighter who has been through more in the first 14 weeks of her life than most are faced with in a lifetime.  So everyone get praying, hoping and wishing that Emilia's tough journey has the happy ending it deserves.  

Update

I ended up sleeping at home last night as it all got too much.  So after a good 10 hours sleep I feel like myself again.  I managed 5 nights in a row so gave it my best shot, but I think it is going to have to be every other night in the future.

Eva has been having long periods without extra oxygen :)  Plus she is managing to maintain her oxygen saturation when she feeds from a bottle.  They checked her eyes yesterday and she is still borderline as to whether or not she needs the laser treatment.  She will be checked again on Monday.  We still don't know when she will come home, but hopefully it will be soon.

Emilia is getting stronger and stronger for every day that passes.  She is still not herself and is frowning a lot, but she is getting the pained look on her face less frequently.  Her eyes were also checked yesterday and one of them looked good but the other one may be problematic which could lead to a second laser operation :(  They will be checking again on Monday.  She is still getting quite a lot of extra oxygen but we are sure that her lungs just need time to heal.

So our plan for the day is to go to the hospital for their 12 o'clock feed and then stay until around 16.00.  We are then being treated to a dinner in a fine restaurant to celebrate Jens' Mums 60th birthday (it will be nice to get dressed up for once :)).  Then we will be back at the hospital for 21.00 and then stay the night making sure Eva and Emilia get to experience the yummy food, fresh from the breast!

Oh and Emilia and Eva were very happy to hear that their Greatgrandparents have been reading about them  from Spain :)

Update

We have spent the last three nights at the hospital with Eva sleeping in the same room :)  The first night was a bit of a challenge as my body is not used to producing milk in the night.  So Eva was sucking and sucking and still hungry.  In the end I got her a bottle of my milk and then she slept like a log :)  I have started pumping my other breast whilst she feeds which Jens then gives to her afterwards.  So we really are both in this together and he is such a great Dad :)

The first two nights she had a bit of trouble swallowing and breathing at the same time with the bottle but now we  are using a bottle with a smaller hole and it is much better.  She had a quite a severe saturation dip yesterday morning so we are staying there again tonight.  We still don't know which day she will come home; as always we just need to take each day as it comes and Eva is going to let us know when she is ready :)

I am going to try to keep my gushing about my baby to a mimimum, but I need to write about how lovely she is.  She has started to cry a little bit, but only when she is hungry. Ususally though she just lies in her bed sucking on her podgy hands and sticking out her tongue to show us what she needs.  As soon as she is satisfied she is so peaceful and calm.  We have to wake her up to feed her as she loves to sleep.  Taking care of her feels so natural and easy, I just hope now that my milk starts flowing soon so that I can satisfy her without needing to use bottles.

Emilia looked much better this morning.  She was able to come into our room yesterday evening and night and snuggle up with Eva (which is the cutest thing ever - oops, gushing again!). Her eyes are still swollen from the operation but she seems to be much calmer.  As always, we are trying to spend as much time with her as we can.

We are having a talk with the Dr this afternoon.  Eva had her eyes checked again on Monday and they need to look again on Thursday; so she may still need to have the laser operation.  We are not sure when Emilila will move to the surgical ward but hopefully we will find that out today.