Emilia

One of my fears was that my little Emilia's personality had been changed by everything she has been through.  Before the sepsis infection, even at only 30 weeks old, we had got to know her.  She was a really content little girl.  We gave her a bath the day before she got sick and she was smiling and it was so lovely. After the infection she changed, not surprisingly and it was so clear that she was in pain for so long.  Even after the operation and well into the New Year, she was still not herself.  But nobody really knew that because it was only me and Jens who knew her before; it was such a difficult thing for me to have to come to terms with.  

She is lying under her baby gym right now, happily looking at her little hand, red christmas baubles and a smiley face.  She only cries when she is hungry or needs a nap.  She loves it when i sing to her and bounce her on my knee as if she is riding a little horse.  She sleeps well at night and takes good long naps during the day.  She loves to have a bath and take long walks in the frog pram.  Playing with Eva is another favourite :)

I took her to the lung Dr yesterday and he was happy with her progress.  She is scheduled to have a series of lung function tests in the middle March but he did not think there would be any problems after he listened to her chest.

Anyway, my little girl is back and it is just the best thing in the world.  Because even though I don't blame myself, it is still my body that failed us - it is just a fact.  But I can now just leave that in the past because Emilia  is doing so well.

Smiles

They brighten our day, everyday! I hope they do the same for yours :)

Eva

 Emilia

Dr update

So we just met with Eva and Emilia's neonatal Dr.  Eva got the all clear on every count and her development is the same as any 3 month old baby.  She is now smiling all the time and is engaging with us and her toys.  She has taken a particular liking to Mr Turtle, that Grandma Brown got for the twins.

She was also pleased with Emilia's progress, considering everything she has been through.  I asked her about the way Emilia moves and that she sometimes finds it hard to relax and she said that we can see her more as a newborn baby. The way she is progressing is to be expected.  Emilia has also started to smile and make eye contact, although she is unable to follow movement.  We have been told to engage with her at close range and to keep holding her tight to us.  We also talked about the amount Emilia is being sick and she is going to talk with Emilia's surgeon to see if she can start to take medicine that will help her with acid reflux.  She will let us know over the next couple of days.

We have left the hospital feeling really positive about things.  Emilia has made so much progress over the last couple of weeks that I am so certain that she is just going to go from strength to strength.  Emilia's development is to be expected whereas Eva's is much more than can be expected, considering she was born so early with such a low birth weight.  Both babies are moving in the right direction.  They are little individuals that have been on such different life journeys.

The future is bright :)

6 months today

So we have made it to the 6 month mark :)  Jens' Mum and Dad came over at 08.00am to take care of Eva and Emilia while I did my exam.  They had some cakes with them and when I had finished we sat and drank coffee and ate the yummy cakes while talking about the journey we have all been on and just marvelling at how well they are doing now.  It feels so weird to reflect upon it all, it feels almost dream like.

Emilia and Eva's English and Swedish Grandparents have supported all of us throughout.  They have helped with hospital/ Dr's visits, helped feed Emilia when she was at her most difficult, cooked for us, cleaned, taken our rubbish and on Sunday we will be getting some wood from the cabin.  It has all been really overwhelming for me and there haven't been many days were me and my Mum haven't talked on Gchat.  I am not sure how I would have got through the days without my morning pep talks.  I suppose that is what Mums and Dads do, give their children the strength they need to get through life.  When one of the twins are ill I just have this overwhelming need to be with the ill one as much as possible.  I am so glad Jens respects that and can give all he has to the well one.  He is such a thoughtful sweetheart and knows just what I need.

All the time Emilia has been ill, Eva has been so easy to care for.  Well, at the hospital on Monday night she returned the favour and slept like a little angel the whole time we were caring for Eva.  Is it possible that they somehow sense it?

I am not sure if I have written it before, but I LOVE being a twin mummy :)  I haven't really been able to understand how anybody could have a baby and then want to have another one.  But now I can and who knows, maybe little Ivan Arthur Lindqvist will be a reality one day :)

Don't worry Jens, I am only kidding!!!!

3

1. Eva is feeling much better and is back to her usual self.  I don't want to go into too much detail about my daughter's nappy habits, but a strange development has occurred.  She has done about 6 breastmilk poos (our nurse confirmed it today) which is very bizarre considering she has only breastfed a small amount (or at least I thought so) and the last time she did it was last Sunday!  Since her big clear out she has improved and I am so relieved.  I have been so worried about my little princess.  She now weighs 5430g.

2. Emilia got the all clear on her ear!  She is still eating well and is much calmer.  We just had Emilia weighed and she had put on 175g over 11 days (4240g), which is a bit on the low side.  But over the 11 days she hasn't had her feeding tube so I think we are making progress.  Our Nurse did not seem concerned and thought she looked really healthy.  The problem we have with Emilia now is that she is sick a lot.  I am sure that is going to improve soon too and then she will be my little fatty!  Good things come in small packages and Emilia feels good, which is the main thing.  She smiled at me for the first time the other day :)

3. Amidst all of my worry I managed to do my exam :)  I am not sure if I am going to pass but I did my best, so fingers crossed I can now put all my efforts into being a mummy of twins and get prepared for Jens going back to work.  This is the last day of Jens being off work because he is caring for a seriously ill child. We now get to take his paternity leave which lasts for 1 month.

Lets hope it is a month where we can just kick back, relax and enjoy our beautiful baby girls.  They are so amazing and we feel very blessed and so happy!

Eva

So as always our little family bubbles gets burst almost as quickly as it comes and since my last blog little Eva has been ill.  We took her to the emergency room on Monday night as her behaviour changed completely.  She stopped eating as much, was hardly moving and did a projectile vomit.  So we waited and just kept watching her and then she sicked up another feed and so I called the neonatal ward who told us to take her in.  We were there until 4.00am and after doing a series of tests the Dr said she wasn't worried and sent us home.  So we have no idea what it was.  She seems to be doing OK this morning and just ate 120 ml which is the most she has eaten since being ill.

So I am at home with Eva and Jens and his Dad are taking Emilia to the hospital to get her ear checked.

I have insanely made the decision to take an exam on Friday.  I have been so stressed about Eva that I have hardly had any time to study, but I am going to give it a go anyway.  It has been hanging over me since the Summer and I have tried to take it numerous times, the last date was Emilia's big operation so I couldn't do it.

So fingers crossed that Eva keeps getting better, Emilia gets the all clear on her ear and that I pass this stupid exam that I wish would just disappear.

Fire