Farfar saves the day

So me and Claes have had a very interesting, action packed afternoon.  The babies were sleeping and we went upstairs so I could show him all the building work we have had done.  Little did I know that the builder had fit the door catch, without a handle and so when we went into the spare room, the door closed behind us and locked us in!  We searched in the room for something to open the door with, to no avail.  We were trapped, we had no mobile phones with us and due to the torrential rain outside the neighbours were nowhere to be seen.  I started to panic and could just imagine the babies down in the basement crying, feeling all alone.  It was awful.

Then I thought about getting out through the window.  I tried but it felt too far down and I am so weak in my arms that I couldn't hold my own weight.  Then Claes took the old curtain and tied it to the radiator, squeezed through the window, hung off the window sill and shot down the curtain.  Claes the action man! Claes our saviour.  Who would have thought retired life would be so life threatening and exciting.

But now the panic is over and we can just laugh about it.  I think we have both got a few more grey hairs after today.

A very tired Wanja just left after being here and helping me look after the twins for 9 hours, who are now blissfully sleeping.  It has been a pretty tough day with lots of sick (she got covered as usual) and a very tired me, after our long weekend away in Stockholm.  I am completely washed out.  The babies had a great time and the trip in the car both there and back went smoothly.  They enjoyed playing with their cousins and slept 12-13 hours each night.  It would appear that I am the biggest baby in our family, who cannot seem to relax even when the going is good.  I need to learn how to relax and sleep!

But today has left me thinking about what it truly means to be a friend.  Wanja has looked after all three of us today.  When I came upstairs after feeding Eva she had tidied away the daily baby bomb explosion, she then helped me put away all the laundry and even made delicious soup for lunch.  She is such a sweetheart.

Good days and bad days

Good days can follow bad days just as bad days can follow good days.  There is no logic to this and I cannot predict what kind of day we are going to have.  Monday and Tuesday have been bad days.  Jens' parents were with me on Monday and Jens was home on Tuesday.  As me, Claes and Irene are all running around, mopping up sick, changing nappies, fixing bottles I turn to Irene and say "How do I do this alone?".  She replies that she has no idea and for the most part neither do I.  But then that was a bad day! Emilia has been sick so much the last two days and has not been able to relax.  Luckily, after Jens took them out for a late afternoon walk we got to the bottom of it.  Emilia has been constipated.  So we helped her go (which made her cry in pain) and she has been much better ever since.  Bless her!

Today is a good day (so far, it is 12.00) and my anxiety is just starting to wear off.  I fed the twins at 04.00 am and then we all went back to sleep until 07.15.  We then played, ate and got dressed before heading off on my usual walk - where the twins usually sleep the whole time.  But not today, nor have they slept the last few days so I think my routine needs to be changed.  Halfway around Eva was trying to sit up in the pram and Emilia was also awake and kept crying each time she dropped her dummy. After about 10 stops we finally got home where the twins had playtime, ate lunch and our now quietly relaxing in bed.  I dare not write that they are sleeping as the minute I do that one of them will start crying - guaranteed!

So I am able to sit in the kitchen, eat lunch and write this.  I doubt I will be able to fit in a coffee before the action starts again but you never know.  After all, this is my good day after two bad days and I am going to cherish every minute :)

Farmor with the twins

Tummy time :)

Emilia

Eva out in the garden

Emilia rooting for IFK

Babies grow

"Babies grow Paula!", the reassuring words of my parents that ring in my ears.  An obvious fact; but I have had a mini baby for so long who I feed, whose sick I mop up countless times each day.  Each time I get Emilia weighed I feel a stab of disappointment.  I work so hard each day, she is working so hard, but she is still mini.  But babies do grow and she is growing.  She is now 5.6 kg.  She puts on weight slowly but surely and I am sure the day will come when I weigh her and start to cry because i don't feel disappointed.

The combined weight of the twins is now coming in at around 13kg and I am starting to really feel it when I am pushing the pram.  It is tough going but a joyful form of tough.

So I have decided to keep writing!  Quite a few people got in touch with me and told me how they enjoy reading about the little twins. When I am out on my morning walk, I write in my head and it does feel good to keep a record of all that.  For Emilia and Eva and for me too.

It is so clear how much Eva loves Emilia.  She gazes at her and smiles at least a hundred times per day at her perfect little face.  Occasionally Emilia smiles back, but there is an air of nonchalans surrounding her looks and actions.  But this morning, as they were both lying on the bathroom mat, Emilia gently stroked Eva's head for about a minute whilst watching her every move.  I was mesmerized.  

Peace at last

So as a family we have survived a week of being ill, a testament to how well the twins are doing.  It took them both 6 days to get over a very nasty tummy bug.  It all started with Emilia last Wednesday and then Eva had a bad tummy on Saturday night.  I was sick Saturday night, Jens Monday morning.  Caring for sick babies is one thing and just so automatic, but doing it whilst you are sick yourself is one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced.  Throw getting your bathroom renovated at the same time into the mix and it is very hard to see light at the end of the tunnel.  But the light is shining again, the bathroom is well on its way and I have two little angels who radiate an energy that is very difficult to describe.  If destiny exists, then they we were destined to survive and thrive.  Thank you to Claes, Irene and Mandy who dared to enter our house filled of germs and help us.  I am not sure I could have got through it without the help.

Emilia seems to be calming down.  At the last Dr's check we were told that she had late eye development and could only see things at close range.  She now smiles at me from the other side of the room.  She can hold things and put them in her mouth and she can roll from her belly to her back.  Put simply she has caught up to her little big sister Eva.  She is also eating really well.  Sometimes she reacts to drinking from her bottle but feed her with a spoon and she just can't get enough.  So now if she refuses to eat, I just make her a really runny porridge and she eats the lot.  Knowing I have a back up plan has given me incredible peace of mind.

Eva is thriving too :)  She is so cute and lovely and has been so patient over the last few months.  She has started to talk a lot more and is so excited to see us.  Sometimes I wonder if she is going to explode with happiness. They are both just so happy.

I have been thinking a lot about whether I should keep writing.  I would never have started this but for the special circumstances and it feels like finally that phase is over.  The last oxygen cyclinder has been returned and we took back Emilia's breathing alarm and both saturation moniters to the neonatal unit today.  Maybe going there inspired me to write, it is a strange feeling to be somewhere that was such a big part of our lives for so long.  But it feels like all the bad stuff is finally over.  We are like every other family, we even got sick and didn't need to go to the hospital.  We got sick and survived just like everyone else!  It is a milestone, it is bliss.

So I will keep thinking about what to do with my blog.  I want to go more public with it, as a means of supporting people going through this and so when I have some time I will look into that.  We are a big success story and I think that needs to be shared.


Emilia week 24 (that is my hand holding her)

Emilia today 

Eva week 24

Eva today

How much it would change us, we could never know.
But it has been our pleasure to watch them grow.
Their little bodies so small and frail
Justice DID prevail. 

Christening

So it has been confirmed that the christening is going to be the first weekend of August, here in Sweden.  I do not know if it will be Saturday or Sunday, but we will be sending out an e-invite closer to the time with more details.  This is more of a "save the date" message and book your flights message!  I really hope lots of family and friends will be able to join us, both for the christening and for the party afterwards :)

The twins are doing really well :)  Eva is learning new things every day.  Her latest thing is firing her dummy out of her mouth and sticking out her tongue.  She smiled at her own feet for the first time this morning.  Things are happening so fast now that I don't want to miss a second.

Emilia has had a bit of a tough ride of it!  Ha ha, what am I writing and thinking!  What I mean to say is that I have had and am still having a tough ride of learning what my daughter needs and is trying to tell me. I think she has been having a great time :)  She really is the picture of health, rosy cheeks and so so smiley.  I am just so hung up on feeding her and just think she is hungry all the time.  I am getting better though and am going to try and focus on helping her sleep more and then hopefully the rest will fall into place.  For the past few weeks I have recorded every single meal she has eaten, the time and how much.  Even on days when it has been a struggle (or I have been trying to feed her when she isn't hungry) she ends up eating the same amount!  Telling me that she knows exactly what she needs and that I just need to chill out!  New week, new plan :) Oh and Emilia has now hit the 5kg mark :)

Toni bought me a wonderful birthday present, a book called Momma Zen.  She wrote in her card that she didn't think it would come close to my pram charm, ukelele books and dinner service.  To be honest, I didn't think so either.  Oh, how wrong I was.  This book, I can recommend to all new Mums as it puts things into perspective in such a wonderfully, uplifting way.  It has helped me to see how this time is a gift to be treasured and not hurried away.  It is easy to focus on the never-ending feeds, nappy changes, lack of sleep etc, but mixed in with all of that are the smiles, the new things, the cuddles and all the small triumphs.  It has made me want to be a better Mum and person - the best gift ever!

My Mum came for a visit last week and we had such a lovely time. Here are a few pictures from our precious time together :)

A year ago

A year ago I celebrated my birthday with all my lovely friends; the last time I really partied since all this began.  I remember taking it easy as I had an incling that I was pregnant.  You just never know how life is going to turn out or what challenges lie ahead.  It is so true that so little of what we worry about ever happens, and the things we don't that knock us off guard and floor us.  But what a year!!  So much joy clouded by so much worry - it just makes me shake my head in disbelief when I think of it all.

Eva is currently in a trance looking at her new favourite toy - Ivan!

I made a decision yesterday to christen Eva, something which I find a little bizarre but there is something in me telling me it is the right thing.  During Emilia's christening there was an energy, it was almost magical.  I turned to religion in my time of crisis and I refuse to be a hypocrite.  So in my time of joy and happiness I am going to celebrate my healthy twins and give all the people I care about and love a chance to share in that.  The church seats 150 people and I want to fill it!!

There is a beautiful little church here in Partille by the river which I walk past a lot when I take the twins out.  I want to do it when my Mum and Dad are here in the beginning of August; more info to follow on dates etc.

So as my special birthday gift, I get to take the twins to the hospital for their RS immunisation.  I am meeting Mandy at the bus station, who is kindly coming with me, and then we are walking to the hospital.  It is pretty far and we may not survive, but if there is one thing we like it is a challenge.