First night away

I am watching Emilia trying to turn over from her back to her belly whilst sucking her thumb at the same time!  Bless - I wish I could tell her that it doesn't need to be so hard.

Eva is sitting in the middle of my twin breastfeeding cushion (am glad it is finally getting some use!) and it is supposed to be a back support, encouraging her to practice sitting up but instead she has wriggled down and is using it as a pillow and just lying there chilling out!  haha, they are just so different.

They are both little stars who just let me and Jens have a 10 hour sleep - undisturbed :)  We were naughty parents this weekend and stayed over in Varberg after Martin and Peter's 30th birthday party by the sea.  We were having too much fun to leave early as planned.  So I caller super nanny Mandy who said it was no problem to come home in the morning.  It was nice to be able to let go in the company of such fun people.  It is really important to be able to have a social life in the midst of this parenting lark; I think it keeps my sane and definitely gives me a mental energy boost to be able to be the best Mummy I can be.

We were greeted by two very content little baby girls who were very excited and happy to see us again.

School application

I just filled out Eva and Emilia's school application forms :) How crazy and fantastic is that!!!

Jens completed the half marathon with an outstanding time of 1:49.  We are all so proud of him.  Irene had made a really sweet banner with his name on and the plan was that the twins would be out of the pram to cheer him on.  Little did we know that he was sprinting round the course and so he ran past us much earlier than expected. I had just put the camera down to pick up Emilia and the banner was the wrong way around.  haha, typical. My Mum shouted "there he is" and so I frantically searched for him and caught a 1 second glance.  My Mum saw him kiss the three lions on the England football shirt he was wearing (they represent Emilia, Eva and me) which is just so sweet.  Hopefully next year I will get to see it!

But the weekend has been really lovely.  A short but very sweet visit from Grandma and Grandad Brown who spent lots of time playing with their amazing little Granddaughters who were very relaxed in their company.  We took the twins for a swim last night in the new bath and they had a great time.  Being together feels so natural in spite of the distance between us and they are by no means strangers.  The twins see their Grandparents every morning for breakfast via video chat.  My Mum cyber babysits regularly when I need to run off to the toilet.  I usually return to some forgotten song of my childhood ringing out in the kitchen; it is heartwarming stuff. I shed a few tears after I left them at the airport but they are going to be back again at the end of July and then they will stay for a week.

The twins are thriving.  Emilia has learnt a new noise and Eva is desperately wanting to sit up on her own, but she isn't quite there yet.  They are still not playing together but every now and then Emilia looks at Eva and smiles (Eva laughs and smiles every time she sees Emilia) so I think by next week Eva will finally get the playmate she has been longing for.

Eva ignoring Mummy :(

So just as a I start getting used to my high maintenance little Emilia and super calm little Eva, the roles reverse and I am left playing catch up.  Emilia has transformed into a calm baby, who you can cuddle, who sleeps during the day without any fussing and eats like a horse! She seems to be so content.  That is the good news and makes me happier than words can do justice.

Eva however, has entered into a new phase, presumably one she has to go through, but one that has left me googling "babies ignoring Mummy!"  (I am chuckling to myself as I write this, just as Mandy found my reaction to this highly amusing yesterday).  For long periods of time yesterday she refused to look at me, I am sure in the end my pathetic desperation left her pondering over who her mother had become, but I just couldn't accept that Eva was ignoring Mummy.  She is my little Eva, who always smiles at me.

I discovered that lots of other Mums have been through this.  I particularly liked the one reasoning where the baby sees the mum as an extension of themselves and therefore doesn't need to give them any attention.  I suppose it is like when I am with Jens;  I don't need to make any kind of effort, I can just be.  Of course nobody really knows but that one decription made me feel better.

I just got Eva out of bed and was greeted by a super happy, wriggly baby who made eye contact with me :) 

So our family dynamics have changed.  Both babies are healthy and for the most part happy and so I am not complaining about anything.  It's just this ever changing role of being a mother is easily the most challenging, interesting and stimulating thing I have ever done.

Mandy the little star cleaned our new bathroom yesterday (tiles and everything), then some of the pipes fell of the wall (not Mandy's fault).  Our builders had used a new "super glue" that should hold 50kg that they won't be using again, then the electrics stopped working in the girls room and I felt super stressed.  But after using my new bath I felt a lot better. Our new bathroom is lovely and the pipes and electrics are being fixed today.

Grandma and Grandad Brown are arriving in 3 hours and Jens is running his first half marathon this afternoon.  So me, the twins and the Grandparents are heading over to Farfar and Farmor Lindqvist to watch him.  The place in the half marathon was Jens' birthday present from me, 2 weeks before the twins were born.  But against all odds he has managed to get some training done, unfortunately nowhere near as much as he would have liked.  However it goes today and I know he will be able to finish, I am so proud of him.

Farfar saves the day

So me and Claes have had a very interesting, action packed afternoon.  The babies were sleeping and we went upstairs so I could show him all the building work we have had done.  Little did I know that the builder had fit the door catch, without a handle and so when we went into the spare room, the door closed behind us and locked us in!  We searched in the room for something to open the door with, to no avail.  We were trapped, we had no mobile phones with us and due to the torrential rain outside the neighbours were nowhere to be seen.  I started to panic and could just imagine the babies down in the basement crying, feeling all alone.  It was awful.

Then I thought about getting out through the window.  I tried but it felt too far down and I am so weak in my arms that I couldn't hold my own weight.  Then Claes took the old curtain and tied it to the radiator, squeezed through the window, hung off the window sill and shot down the curtain.  Claes the action man! Claes our saviour.  Who would have thought retired life would be so life threatening and exciting.

But now the panic is over and we can just laugh about it.  I think we have both got a few more grey hairs after today.

A very tired Wanja just left after being here and helping me look after the twins for 9 hours, who are now blissfully sleeping.  It has been a pretty tough day with lots of sick (she got covered as usual) and a very tired me, after our long weekend away in Stockholm.  I am completely washed out.  The babies had a great time and the trip in the car both there and back went smoothly.  They enjoyed playing with their cousins and slept 12-13 hours each night.  It would appear that I am the biggest baby in our family, who cannot seem to relax even when the going is good.  I need to learn how to relax and sleep!

But today has left me thinking about what it truly means to be a friend.  Wanja has looked after all three of us today.  When I came upstairs after feeding Eva she had tidied away the daily baby bomb explosion, she then helped me put away all the laundry and even made delicious soup for lunch.  She is such a sweetheart.

Good days and bad days

Good days can follow bad days just as bad days can follow good days.  There is no logic to this and I cannot predict what kind of day we are going to have.  Monday and Tuesday have been bad days.  Jens' parents were with me on Monday and Jens was home on Tuesday.  As me, Claes and Irene are all running around, mopping up sick, changing nappies, fixing bottles I turn to Irene and say "How do I do this alone?".  She replies that she has no idea and for the most part neither do I.  But then that was a bad day! Emilia has been sick so much the last two days and has not been able to relax.  Luckily, after Jens took them out for a late afternoon walk we got to the bottom of it.  Emilia has been constipated.  So we helped her go (which made her cry in pain) and she has been much better ever since.  Bless her!

Today is a good day (so far, it is 12.00) and my anxiety is just starting to wear off.  I fed the twins at 04.00 am and then we all went back to sleep until 07.15.  We then played, ate and got dressed before heading off on my usual walk - where the twins usually sleep the whole time.  But not today, nor have they slept the last few days so I think my routine needs to be changed.  Halfway around Eva was trying to sit up in the pram and Emilia was also awake and kept crying each time she dropped her dummy. After about 10 stops we finally got home where the twins had playtime, ate lunch and our now quietly relaxing in bed.  I dare not write that they are sleeping as the minute I do that one of them will start crying - guaranteed!

So I am able to sit in the kitchen, eat lunch and write this.  I doubt I will be able to fit in a coffee before the action starts again but you never know.  After all, this is my good day after two bad days and I am going to cherish every minute :)

Farmor with the twins

Tummy time :)

Emilia

Eva out in the garden

Emilia rooting for IFK

Babies grow

"Babies grow Paula!", the reassuring words of my parents that ring in my ears.  An obvious fact; but I have had a mini baby for so long who I feed, whose sick I mop up countless times each day.  Each time I get Emilia weighed I feel a stab of disappointment.  I work so hard each day, she is working so hard, but she is still mini.  But babies do grow and she is growing.  She is now 5.6 kg.  She puts on weight slowly but surely and I am sure the day will come when I weigh her and start to cry because i don't feel disappointed.

The combined weight of the twins is now coming in at around 13kg and I am starting to really feel it when I am pushing the pram.  It is tough going but a joyful form of tough.

So I have decided to keep writing!  Quite a few people got in touch with me and told me how they enjoy reading about the little twins. When I am out on my morning walk, I write in my head and it does feel good to keep a record of all that.  For Emilia and Eva and for me too.

It is so clear how much Eva loves Emilia.  She gazes at her and smiles at least a hundred times per day at her perfect little face.  Occasionally Emilia smiles back, but there is an air of nonchalans surrounding her looks and actions.  But this morning, as they were both lying on the bathroom mat, Emilia gently stroked Eva's head for about a minute whilst watching her every move.  I was mesmerized.