It has been over a year since I wrote anything on my blog about Emilia and Eva. I think mainly because of me doing a full time teacher training course (in Swedish) whilst being a twin mum. A few months back I went on a spa break for twin mums and one of the other Mums, with 18 month old twins asked me despairingly, does it get any easier? haha, my answer was yes and no. Life becomes much easier when they start doing things for themselves. But you get double tantrums, fights about sharing and fights over me :(. It is all delightful though, exhausting but delightful. In many ways it doesn't get easier but it gets lots better and is a lot more fun. I am satisfied with the way things are and my two happy girls remind me that they are too.
Looking back though, becoming a Mum shocked me, suffocated me and I just couldn't get over how much work it was, ALL THE TIME! Quite a few first times Mum's have said to me in those first tender months when they are also trying to get their head around motherhood, "how did you manage two?". It is all a bit of a blur but what I do know is that they took up all my time, all my thoughts and all my love. It must be that complete submersion that got me through it.
They are now at play school full time, that has been a journey in itself. Lots of ups and downs, lots of help from grandparents to get me through my course. Separation anxiety has come and gone. We have had a few nights in hospital and Emilia needs to take a daily dose of corizone for her lungs. She has asthma that is triggered when she has a cold. But we are managing that now and fingers crossed we get through the rest of winter without any major complications.
We keep taking our family out of its comfort zone and I think it is our day trip to Denmark on the ferry that has inspired me to write (along with the relief of handing in the second draft of my dissertation). A very fun and very mental day with twists and turns that demand to be documented.
It all started yesterday where we kept telling them we were going on a boat. Shock horror, Eva, who no longer sleeps without lots of drama, just went to sleep and slept all night. Everything went smoothly until the crossing got choppy and the boat started rolling. I have never been sick on a boat but it was affecting me, people around me were pale and heading for the sick bags and it wasn't long before my rosy cheeked Jens was feeling it. The twins were fine though, I kept asking them if they were ok and I kept hoping they had inherited me and my Dad's boat tummies and not Jens' or my Mums'. I kept remembering my previous conversation with my Mum where she'd told me about a ferry trip she'd been on with children departing the boat drowned in sick. This vision was my fear!
Then Eva stopped moving, she stopped smiling and went all floppy. I had sent Jens out for air and got a bag at the ready. People started being sick all around us. When Jens came back I marched my suffering family (and crazy, bouncy Emilia) to the shop and bought some sea sick wrist bands for Jens and Eva (that cost twice as much as the boat ticket - rip off!). We then sat through kids entertainment - Eva looked awful, the sick bag in front of her didn't help, but I figured it would take her mind off it. We then suited and booted and went outside and calm was restored. Emilia the warrior was fine and just kept saying "Eva sick", bless! Nobody was sick and I could relax.
On the way home again we had booked a dinner. Luckily it was a lot calmer and the bands were in place (not sure if they even work but at that price convinced they must). Emilia who is now three, swallowed two halvs of meatball at the same time, that got stuck in her throat. This has happened numerous times in public places and it never gets easier. At three though you don't expect it anymore. She fixed it herself but it was mega drama that shot my nerves.
After that we had great time. We watched live music, a great solo artist with an acoustic guitar that played lots of songs I love. The twins danced, I held Eva whilst watching the sun go down and I felt such incredible peace. It makes me think of the Jack Johnson song "Just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms". I can't sing that song without crying. The twins even high fived the giant monkey they had been scared of on the way to Denmark.
Our day ended with us having seven crates of beer to get home (on a very wobbly trolley we've had for years), along with a twin pram full of bags and twins. We planned our exit and all was going well untill all the beer fell off the trolley as we were getting off the boat. We re-packed it, Jens struggled getting it to and on the tram, but as we were getting off, two fell off again. I grabbed one, another woman another and Jens the five. Jens had pain in his back so I said I would take the beer till it started hurting me. I took about six steps and then one of the handles and back of the trolley snapped off. Beer crates tumbled to the ground for the third time and the trolley was irreparable. haha! An insane end to a mental day.
We got the twins in bed at 7pm after a very action packed day (we are trying to get them back on a schedule again after Christmas). I gave Eva one of my talkings to, where I explained to her how I am always listening. How she doesn't need to cry in bed and that if she needs me she can just say "Mummy I need help". I want my little girl to feel happy in her own bad again. After about 5 minutes you can guess what she shouts. I go in, she says "sit there" and points to the end of her bed.
I didn't stay and explained why. They twins kept shouting my name, in-between their mental little conversations they have with each other these days. But their tone was happy and jokey. It took about 5 minutes more till my hearts, one snuggled next to a giant cow, they other next to a big pink cat, were fast asleep. Leaving me time to write about this day so that in years to come they can read about it and cherish the memory. Bliss :)
