"Babies grow Paula!", the reassuring words of my parents that ring in my ears. An obvious fact; but I have had a mini baby for so long who I feed, whose sick I mop up countless times each day. Each time I get Emilia weighed I feel a stab of disappointment. I work so hard each day, she is working so hard, but she is still mini. But babies do grow and she is growing. She is now 5.6 kg. She puts on weight slowly but surely and I am sure the day will come when I weigh her and start to cry because i don't feel disappointed.
The combined weight of the twins is now coming in at around 13kg and I am starting to really feel it when I am pushing the pram. It is tough going but a joyful form of tough.
So I have decided to keep writing! Quite a few people got in touch with me and told me how they enjoy reading about the little twins. When I am out on my morning walk, I write in my head and it does feel good to keep a record of all that. For Emilia and Eva and for me too.
It is so clear how much Eva loves Emilia. She gazes at her and smiles at least a hundred times per day at her perfect little face. Occasionally Emilia smiles back, but there is an air of nonchalans surrounding her looks and actions. But this morning, as they were both lying on the bathroom mat, Emilia gently stroked Eva's head for about a minute whilst watching her every move. I was mesmerized.
söndag 29 april 2012
söndag 22 april 2012
Peace at last
So as a family we have survived a week of being ill, a testament to how well the twins are doing. It took them both 6 days to get over a very nasty tummy bug. It all started with Emilia last Wednesday and then Eva had a bad tummy on Saturday night. I was sick Saturday night, Jens Monday morning. Caring for sick babies is one thing and just so automatic, but doing it whilst you are sick yourself is one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced. Throw getting your bathroom renovated at the same time into the mix and it is very hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. But the light is shining again, the bathroom is well on its way and I have two little angels who radiate an energy that is very difficult to describe. If destiny exists, then they we were destined to survive and thrive. Thank you to Claes, Irene and Mandy who dared to enter our house filled of germs and help us. I am not sure I could have got through it without the help.
Emilia seems to be calming down. At the last Dr's check we were told that she had late eye development and could only see things at close range. She now smiles at me from the other side of the room. She can hold things and put them in her mouth and she can roll from her belly to her back. Put simply she has caught up to her little big sister Eva. She is also eating really well. Sometimes she reacts to drinking from her bottle but feed her with a spoon and she just can't get enough. So now if she refuses to eat, I just make her a really runny porridge and she eats the lot. Knowing I have a back up plan has given me incredible peace of mind.
Eva is thriving too :) She is so cute and lovely and has been so patient over the last few months. She has started to talk a lot more and is so excited to see us. Sometimes I wonder if she is going to explode with happiness. They are both just so happy.
I have been thinking a lot about whether I should keep writing. I would never have started this but for the special circumstances and it feels like finally that phase is over. The last oxygen cyclinder has been returned and we took back Emilia's breathing alarm and both saturation moniters to the neonatal unit today. Maybe going there inspired me to write, it is a strange feeling to be somewhere that was such a big part of our lives for so long. But it feels like all the bad stuff is finally over. We are like every other family, we even got sick and didn't need to go to the hospital. We got sick and survived just like everyone else! It is a milestone, it is bliss.
So I will keep thinking about what to do with my blog. I want to go more public with it, as a means of supporting people going through this and so when I have some time I will look into that. We are a big success story and I think that needs to be shared.
Emilia week 24 (that is my hand holding her)
Emilia today
Eva week 24
Eva today
How much it would change us, we could never know.
But it has been our pleasure to watch them grow.
Their little bodies so small and frail
Justice DID prevail.
Emilia seems to be calming down. At the last Dr's check we were told that she had late eye development and could only see things at close range. She now smiles at me from the other side of the room. She can hold things and put them in her mouth and she can roll from her belly to her back. Put simply she has caught up to her little big sister Eva. She is also eating really well. Sometimes she reacts to drinking from her bottle but feed her with a spoon and she just can't get enough. So now if she refuses to eat, I just make her a really runny porridge and she eats the lot. Knowing I have a back up plan has given me incredible peace of mind.
Eva is thriving too :) She is so cute and lovely and has been so patient over the last few months. She has started to talk a lot more and is so excited to see us. Sometimes I wonder if she is going to explode with happiness. They are both just so happy.
I have been thinking a lot about whether I should keep writing. I would never have started this but for the special circumstances and it feels like finally that phase is over. The last oxygen cyclinder has been returned and we took back Emilia's breathing alarm and both saturation moniters to the neonatal unit today. Maybe going there inspired me to write, it is a strange feeling to be somewhere that was such a big part of our lives for so long. But it feels like all the bad stuff is finally over. We are like every other family, we even got sick and didn't need to go to the hospital. We got sick and survived just like everyone else! It is a milestone, it is bliss.
So I will keep thinking about what to do with my blog. I want to go more public with it, as a means of supporting people going through this and so when I have some time I will look into that. We are a big success story and I think that needs to be shared.
Emilia week 24 (that is my hand holding her)
Emilia today
Eva week 24
Eva today
But it has been our pleasure to watch them grow.
Their little bodies so small and frail
Justice DID prevail.
söndag 18 mars 2012
Christening
So it has been confirmed that the christening is going to be the first weekend of August, here in Sweden. I do not know if it will be Saturday or Sunday, but we will be sending out an e-invite closer to the time with more details. This is more of a "save the date" message and book your flights message! I really hope lots of family and friends will be able to join us, both for the christening and for the party afterwards :)
The twins are doing really well :) Eva is learning new things every day. Her latest thing is firing her dummy out of her mouth and sticking out her tongue. She smiled at her own feet for the first time this morning. Things are happening so fast now that I don't want to miss a second.
Emilia has had a bit of a tough ride of it! Ha ha, what am I writing and thinking! What I mean to say is that I have had and am still having a tough ride of learning what my daughter needs and is trying to tell me. I think she has been having a great time :) She really is the picture of health, rosy cheeks and so so smiley. I am just so hung up on feeding her and just think she is hungry all the time. I am getting better though and am going to try and focus on helping her sleep more and then hopefully the rest will fall into place. For the past few weeks I have recorded every single meal she has eaten, the time and how much. Even on days when it has been a struggle (or I have been trying to feed her when she isn't hungry) she ends up eating the same amount! Telling me that she knows exactly what she needs and that I just need to chill out! New week, new plan :) Oh and Emilia has now hit the 5kg mark :)
Toni bought me a wonderful birthday present, a book called Momma Zen. She wrote in her card that she didn't think it would come close to my pram charm, ukelele books and dinner service. To be honest, I didn't think so either. Oh, how wrong I was. This book, I can recommend to all new Mums as it puts things into perspective in such a wonderfully, uplifting way. It has helped me to see how this time is a gift to be treasured and not hurried away. It is easy to focus on the never-ending feeds, nappy changes, lack of sleep etc, but mixed in with all of that are the smiles, the new things, the cuddles and all the small triumphs. It has made me want to be a better Mum and person - the best gift ever!
My Mum came for a visit last week and we had such a lovely time. Here are a few pictures from our precious time together :)
The twins are doing really well :) Eva is learning new things every day. Her latest thing is firing her dummy out of her mouth and sticking out her tongue. She smiled at her own feet for the first time this morning. Things are happening so fast now that I don't want to miss a second.
Emilia has had a bit of a tough ride of it! Ha ha, what am I writing and thinking! What I mean to say is that I have had and am still having a tough ride of learning what my daughter needs and is trying to tell me. I think she has been having a great time :) She really is the picture of health, rosy cheeks and so so smiley. I am just so hung up on feeding her and just think she is hungry all the time. I am getting better though and am going to try and focus on helping her sleep more and then hopefully the rest will fall into place. For the past few weeks I have recorded every single meal she has eaten, the time and how much. Even on days when it has been a struggle (or I have been trying to feed her when she isn't hungry) she ends up eating the same amount! Telling me that she knows exactly what she needs and that I just need to chill out! New week, new plan :) Oh and Emilia has now hit the 5kg mark :)
Toni bought me a wonderful birthday present, a book called Momma Zen. She wrote in her card that she didn't think it would come close to my pram charm, ukelele books and dinner service. To be honest, I didn't think so either. Oh, how wrong I was. This book, I can recommend to all new Mums as it puts things into perspective in such a wonderfully, uplifting way. It has helped me to see how this time is a gift to be treasured and not hurried away. It is easy to focus on the never-ending feeds, nappy changes, lack of sleep etc, but mixed in with all of that are the smiles, the new things, the cuddles and all the small triumphs. It has made me want to be a better Mum and person - the best gift ever!
My Mum came for a visit last week and we had such a lovely time. Here are a few pictures from our precious time together :)
torsdag 1 mars 2012
A year ago
A year ago I celebrated my birthday with all my lovely friends; the last time I really partied since all this began. I remember taking it easy as I had an incling that I was pregnant. You just never know how life is going to turn out or what challenges lie ahead. It is so true that so little of what we worry about ever happens, and the things we don't that knock us off guard and floor us. But what a year!! So much joy clouded by so much worry - it just makes me shake my head in disbelief when I think of it all.
Eva is currently in a trance looking at her new favourite toy - Ivan!
I made a decision yesterday to christen Eva, something which I find a little bizarre but there is something in me telling me it is the right thing. During Emilia's christening there was an energy, it was almost magical. I turned to religion in my time of crisis and I refuse to be a hypocrite. So in my time of joy and happiness I am going to celebrate my healthy twins and give all the people I care about and love a chance to share in that. The church seats 150 people and I want to fill it!!
There is a beautiful little church here in Partille by the river which I walk past a lot when I take the twins out. I want to do it when my Mum and Dad are here in the beginning of August; more info to follow on dates etc.
So as my special birthday gift, I get to take the twins to the hospital for their RS immunisation. I am meeting Mandy at the bus station, who is kindly coming with me, and then we are walking to the hospital. It is pretty far and we may not survive, but if there is one thing we like it is a challenge.
Eva is currently in a trance looking at her new favourite toy - Ivan!
I made a decision yesterday to christen Eva, something which I find a little bizarre but there is something in me telling me it is the right thing. During Emilia's christening there was an energy, it was almost magical. I turned to religion in my time of crisis and I refuse to be a hypocrite. So in my time of joy and happiness I am going to celebrate my healthy twins and give all the people I care about and love a chance to share in that. The church seats 150 people and I want to fill it!!
There is a beautiful little church here in Partille by the river which I walk past a lot when I take the twins out. I want to do it when my Mum and Dad are here in the beginning of August; more info to follow on dates etc.
So as my special birthday gift, I get to take the twins to the hospital for their RS immunisation. I am meeting Mandy at the bus station, who is kindly coming with me, and then we are walking to the hospital. It is pretty far and we may not survive, but if there is one thing we like it is a challenge.
måndag 20 februari 2012
So content
Everything is still going so well. Emilia, like her sister, has now turned into a lean, mean, eating maching :) She can't seem to get enough. We are meeting with her surgeon on Friday and for once I am actually looking forward to a hospital visit. I just love showing her off!
Eva is coming on in leaps and bounds too. She is an absolute delight. I am constantly showered by smiles (not as many as Mr Turtle gets - but I'm not complaining) and she is just the cuddliest little munchkin.
I can safely say that I "get" the joy of being a parent. I take back what I wrote in an earlier blog that you give up your own life for your children. What a load of old rubbish. It is an absolutely MASSIVE life change but one for the better. There are so many things to look forward to and I love it.
I can't resist posting a few more pictures of my little cuties.
Enjoy :)
Eva is coming on in leaps and bounds too. She is an absolute delight. I am constantly showered by smiles (not as many as Mr Turtle gets - but I'm not complaining) and she is just the cuddliest little munchkin.
I can safely say that I "get" the joy of being a parent. I take back what I wrote in an earlier blog that you give up your own life for your children. What a load of old rubbish. It is an absolutely MASSIVE life change but one for the better. There are so many things to look forward to and I love it.
I can't resist posting a few more pictures of my little cuties.
Enjoy :)
torsdag 16 februari 2012
Emilia
One of my fears was that my little Emilia's personality had been changed by everything she has been through. Before the sepsis infection, even at only 30 weeks old, we had got to know her. She was a really content little girl. We gave her a bath the day before she got sick and she was smiling and it was so lovely. After the infection she changed, not surprisingly and it was so clear that she was in pain for so long. Even after the operation and well into the New Year, she was still not herself. But nobody really knew that because it was only me and Jens who knew her before; it was such a difficult thing for me to have to come to terms with.
She is lying under her baby gym right now, happily looking at her little hand, red christmas baubles and a smiley face. She only cries when she is hungry or needs a nap. She loves it when i sing to her and bounce her on my knee as if she is riding a little horse. She sleeps well at night and takes good long naps during the day. She loves to have a bath and take long walks in the frog pram. Playing with Eva is another favourite :)
I took her to the lung Dr yesterday and he was happy with her progress. She is scheduled to have a series of lung function tests in the middle March but he did not think there would be any problems after he listened to her chest.
Anyway, my little girl is back and it is just the best thing in the world. Because even though I don't blame myself, it is still my body that failed us - it is just a fact. But I can now just leave that in the past because Emilia is doing so well.
She is lying under her baby gym right now, happily looking at her little hand, red christmas baubles and a smiley face. She only cries when she is hungry or needs a nap. She loves it when i sing to her and bounce her on my knee as if she is riding a little horse. She sleeps well at night and takes good long naps during the day. She loves to have a bath and take long walks in the frog pram. Playing with Eva is another favourite :)
I took her to the lung Dr yesterday and he was happy with her progress. She is scheduled to have a series of lung function tests in the middle March but he did not think there would be any problems after he listened to her chest.
Anyway, my little girl is back and it is just the best thing in the world. Because even though I don't blame myself, it is still my body that failed us - it is just a fact. But I can now just leave that in the past because Emilia is doing so well.
tisdag 7 februari 2012
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