Playing out

What a super fun afternoon me, the twins and farfar had today.  Emilia went down the slide for the first time all by herself (cried each time when she landed but these things take time) and they both played independently.  Emilia has been suffering from extreme separation anxiety which seems to be getting better.  A big relief for both her and me.  Eva has started sleeping again too :)

Spring

Hooray, it's here!  Spring is here :)  We spent most of the weekend out in the garden.  Took a trip out to Majorna too as we have decided that is where we want to be.

All change

Lots of new things are happening and it is all very exciting.  Our first big news is that we have made the decision to move.  We would never have bought a house with 3 floors if we had known that we were having twins.  Stairs and two crazy little toddlers are a dangerous combination.  Eva is pretty good and I can sort of trust her (without ever taking an eye off her) but Emilia is a little maniac.  She has fallen off the sofa in the living room 3 times, the one in their bedroom once.  She seems to just forget where she is and bam!  She has also fallen off the deck step and landed with her face in the flower bed, about 1mm from a rock.  That close call got my heart racing - not fun.  So the for the sake of our sanity we are moving to an apartment or a house with a "normal" upstairs and downstairs.


Our house has four bedrooms, two on the top floor and two in the basement.  For the most part we all sleep downstairs.  Our plan was to move the twins up when they are older.  But I really cannot see that working.  In the middle of the night, if they needed us they would have to go down two flights of stairs.   That just seems wrong.  I want them to easily be able to get to us whenever they need to.

The English School is another reason for the move.  We are currently living on the wrong side of the city for both Jens' job and the twins' future school.  Me getting to Uni will be a bit of a pain but that is only temporary and we cannot base any future decisions on that.

It seems like Guinness is asking for a similar fate to Whiskey.  On Tuesday we had our house sanitized against fleas, yuck.  We all had to move out for 24 hours.  Farmor and Farfar gladly took us in.  Getting anything done with the twins around is near to impossible if I am on my own so Farfar looked after them while I got everything ready.  The twins did not adapt well to sleeping in a new environment and they both ended up sleeping in bed with us, or not as was the case.  Looking back it was quite comical and in the morning I got my reward for all my hard work.  The twins took it in turns kissing me.  They have also started to kiss each other, awwwww!

School

Emilia and Eva have visited their future school and have now met all their future teachers :).  Emilia took a particular shine to the head teacher and walked around holding his hand for about 15 minutes!   We went to The English School yesterday for the first time.  It was so lovely catching up with everyone and it felt like I hadn't been away.  Our plan is for them to start there as soon as possible.

In the morning, before we left, Eva sucked a straw for the first time.  Bizarrely, her hand was in the glass the whole time:

A truth

I really love this passage and wanted to share it:

"We give our children life.  How, then, can we expect to keep our own intact afterward?  But we do.  We haven't yet realised our new position in the natural order of things, and we keep trying to return back to where we were before.  At first, out of innocence: Let me get back my looks.  Let me get back my energy.  Let me get back into the swing of things.  Then with ferocious will: Let me get back to my own life!  So goes the battle between the old and the new, the giver and the taker, the parent and the child.

I m talking about something more than just the gauzy cycle of life...Your child has arrived and the battle has been joined.  It is the battle to the death of your ego.  The demise of your selfishness and impatience.  The end of your idle distractions and carelessness.  The decline and fall of numero uno.  Or so you must pray, because in this contest, you must lose and lose quickly.  Pray that you will never bear the consequences of winning when your child's safety, trust and happiness are the casualties.

...We squinted into the sun on the long road home. She was my life.  Her life was mine"

(Taken from Momma Zen, written by Karen Maezen Miller).

It is hard not to try and cling onto the past in someway because I know I miss being the child, I miss being the taker (especially during the tough times when I have to be strong).  I don't think my Mum misses it though.  I remember her saying to me, after a drive back from the airport in England, "Paula, you don't moan anymore!".  I don't moan anymore because all I can focus on is the twins and their moaning! haha.  I focus on their well being and it is freeing a in a way that I am forced to forget and get over myself.  And after 34 years finally give my own patient, beautiful, giving mother a break.

Jokingly, my sister in law said to me recently, "Nobody cares about me anymore!".  She had spent the last two nights caring for baby Alice who is struggling with her last four teeth.  Cajsa the giver, the carer, the parent gave up on her old life a long time ago and she does it with enviable grace.

But then I didn't have 80 weeks of being pregnant to prepare for this either.  Alex said (A close friend who is about to give birth any day now), I have been using these weeks to mentally prepare myself; a luxury I didn't get.  I didn't get one baby either to gently ease me into motherhood, I got two directly.  Toni tells me to go easier on myself, that I give myself too much of a hard time.  But there is still a small conflict between the old and new; it gets better all the time and I would not change anything.  I want to have some form of social life again and I am slowly getting back into things.  I am part of a package now and at this tender age, where separation anxiety is at its worst, I want to keep separation at a minimum.

Me and Jens took a huge step at the weekend and spent a night in the city.  Farmor and Farfar Lindqvist looked after the twins.  We had the best night, the twins had lots of fun and I think it did everyone involved a lot of good.  We were so excitied about seeing the twins again and I thought they were literally going to explode with happiness when we walked through the door :)

Eva is walking around all the time now, there is still a hint of drunk zombie in her technique, but she takes on the challenge everyday and it is a pleasure to watch.  Emilia is not far behind.  They are both talking more too.  Eva can say: eyes, teeth, cat, quack, mamma, pappa and tree.  Emilia can say mamma (her most spoken word :)), pappa, cat and quack.  Sometimes I wonder if two ducks have moved in :)

Here are a few pictures:

Sleep is for the weak ;)

I have slept badly for the last few nights.  The twins have slept pretty good, a lot of noise from Emilia but nothing to complain about.  Last night I went to bed at a reasonable hour, fell asleep almost straight away and then woke up to Emilia making this coughing/choking sound.  I had no idea I had even been asleep and thought I was alone in bed.  So I go into her and she is literally covered in puke.  It is in her hair, on her cheek, all over her bed and she is in a real state.  I then go off to find Jens with puke drenched Emilia hanging on my hip, but the house is in darkness.  I finally work out that he must be in bed  (I was all confused and half asleep) and get him to help.  The dread is by this time already formed.  We had a play date on Sunday, a few weeks before, the family had a tummy bug.  I have visions of Eva puking everywhere, closely followed by me and Jens.  My Mum and Dad are coming on Wednesday so they come into the picture too.  I manage to get Emilia cleaned up, Jens strips the bed and sicky bed clothes get tossed into the bath (I then start worrying about where we will clean up Eva up when she is struck down).  We then feed Emilia a small bottles of välling and then straight into the travel cot upstairs with me in our spare bed.  To make things even more annoying, the twins have somehow managed to change the settings on my phone to Chinese, meaning sending texts is a no, no.  Meaning communicating with my husband two floors down isn't the easiest.

So I creep into bed, my mind is racing.  I am preparing myself for the worst and not liking the sick infested bed clothes soup that is festering in my newly scrubbed bath tub (ready for the visit on Wednesday).  Then Emilia starts to cough again and yes, she showers the travel cot.  I have no choice but to ring Jens (who cannot have his phone on silent as he needs his alarm - he starts work at 6 this week-luckily Eva didn't wake up) who comes up to help.  The second bed gets stripped and Emilia comes in with me.  I have the sick bowl at the ready and am like a lion stalking its prey.  The slightest movement forcing me to react with sick bowl at the ready.  I am determined to keep the spare bed puke free!  I hardly slept, my calm being able to sleep state is officially destroyed.  All my senses are alerted, but guess what.  She didn't puke, Eva didn't puke, I don't feel sick, Jens is at work and we have had a really lovely day.

Here is Emilia's first encounter with a dead leaf:

What a lovely dead leaf!

So lovely, I think I want to eat it

But Mummy won't let me, so I think I'll just smile at it instead

Eva was napping whilst all this was going on, but we were out in the morning when Emilia was in bed.  I got showered with gifts of dead leaves, twigs and soil.  Who would have that dead plants could be so interesting.  Being a Mum makes me realise just how much a parent needs to teach their children.  I never really thought about it before, but living with two little people starting completely from scratch gives me a new perspective on life.  It is a huge task that is fascinating and so thrilling.  I didn't get any pics of Eva this morning, but here is her playing the trumpet.  Both twins instinctively knew to blow both a recorder and the trumpet.  Amazing!

Looking up

It has been a tough few weeks; colds, fevers, teething, minus temperatures outside and not daring to go to playgroup (those dreaded tummy bugs are still rampant).  We have also had our downstairs bathroom  renovated which disrupts things.  I really am a slave to our routines, something I never thought I had in me.  But the twins need it and I need it to get through the never ending sameness of being a mummy at home.  On the one hand you are never alone but on the other hand it is a lonely life at this time of year. My student friends are all qualified teachers and my working friends have crazy busy schedules.  So weekday visits are now few and far between.  But we still have lots of fun and I keep reminding myself it is only for a few more months.  I know this is a precious time and I do try and appreciate the miracle of it all.  Just somedays it is harder than others.

The twins are doing great.  Emilia has had a fever for the last couple of days; I know this is bad, but me and Jens quite like Emilia with a fever.  When Emilia is ill, her temprament calms down.  She wants to be cuddled, she doesn't moan as much and she seems really content.  Anybody who didn't know her would have absolutely no idea that she was sick.  We don't like the fact that she is feeling bad of course and do everything we can to help her.  But our Emilia is high maintenance and it is nice to get a little break from that.  Her fever had gone today and she was still calm, so who knows, maybe calm Emilia is now here to stay.

Eva is a crazy, wild child.  She tried to dive bomb, headfirst off the back of the sofa the other day.  We cannot take our eyes off them for a second!  She babbles all the time and seems to really love life.   She is not too keen on Emilia though, which is a shame as Emilia wants to kiss her and play and Eva just doesn't want any of it.  Hopefully that will change soon.

My Mum and Dad are coming for a visit next Wednesday and I am really looking forward to seeing them and getting a bit of a break.  I am so lucky to have a Mum who will get up at silly o'clock on grandchild duty; she doesn't want to miss a second :)