Update

Emilia has got another infection so they are no longer in the same bed.  She went back on the cpap machine in the night and when they took the infection test her white blood count was low and her infection count higher than normal.  She has been really tired and cold all day. 

Just before we left she got blood platelets and she is back on full antibiotics.  She is still on the cpap machine with 53% oxygen.  

It does not seem to be as severe or as life threatening as her last infection, so fingers crossed it doesn't develop into something worse. 

Rainbow

We are all officially back under the rainbow and I don't just mean metaphorically speaking.  Here is a picture of the rainbow taken from the hospital window after Emilia and Eva were tucked up in bed, all cosy and close to each other.

They are so funny and cute together.  Emilia was really awake and kept grabbing onto Eva, who slept through everything.  She is totally unaffected by her little big sisters bedtime playing :)  It is hard to believe how different they are and that their personalities are so strong and defined at only week 34.

Seeing them together, under the rainbow, proves that this world is a wonderful place.  This is one of the happiest days of my life.

Week 34 :)

They were back in the bed and the little one said, "I missed you, I missed you!"

Yes, Emilia and Eva have been re-united :) We are so happy about it and now it feels a bit easier to leave them at the hospital as we know they are not alone.  They have reached the week 34 mark today as well, so it is a day to celebrate.  Eva weighed 2050g today!  Emilia had been given some medicine to make her urinate so we are a bit unsure about her weight but at a guess it is around 1650g.  She is still only getting 4ml of milk every 3 hours.  Everything is looking good but they are being extra cautious this time around and don't want to put too much pressure onto her system.

Eva has been wearing the nasal cannula since I last wrote about it but Emilia was back on the cpap last night.  Emilia has been given urination medicine as she has been retaining water.  This could be the reason for her getting tired away from the cpap.  She urinated a lot today so all being well she will be back on the cannula in no time.

Even though things are still going really well I have not had such a good day.  I suppose when there is no crisis situation it is easy to reflect about the day to day trivial things and start to feel frustrated.  I just want them home so bad, to a point where it physically aches inside me.  We worked out that we may have 42 days left and that really freaked me out.  Emilia still has a lot of wires and seeing her on the cpap feels like a step backwards and it looks so uncomfortable too.  Jens has spent the afternoon reassuring me and helping me to see all of the positives and now I feel a lot better.  I guess it is just to take one day at a time and try not to think of the future too much.

One last thing! I want to tell you all about where Emilia's name came from.  Emilia was one of many names we were considering.  Then we found out that Jens' Grandmas middle name was Emilia which made it more appealing.  The twins were born on the 27th July which was Märtha Emilia Byvald's birthday.  In the end it was an easy choice, fate made the decision for us!

Eva

Eva Toni Lindqvist is my calm in the storm :) During my pregnancy, twin 2, who lay across my stomach in top position was always my little Eva.  She is named after my Aunty Eva who was a very close family friend who passed away a few years ago.  We all miss her dearly.

Eva is Jens' mini me.  I didn't see it at first, but as she is growing she is looking more and more like him.  She likes to sleep, A LOT!  Preferably on her belly.  Eva moves her hands in a very graceful way and stretches her fingers out to the max so that they curl backwards.  When she wakes up, she likes to spend a few minutes stretching.  When I lie my head on her pillow she explores my face with her podgy little hands.  It is looking she is going to have blue eyes and her hair is strawberry blonde, she is so cute and beautiful.  Eva doesn't cry!  She is at her happiest when she is lying at my breast or snuggled into Jens' armpit (a place I rather enjoy myself!).

Eva was shocked into this world and it is hard to know what is worse.  To fight for your life or to be dragged out of your cosy bubble, completely unaware of what is going on and then adapt.  Her life journey has not been easy but things are looking very positive for my little Eva.  Tomorrow when they weigh her she will be over 2 kg :)  We are so proud of her :)  When Emilia was at her worst, I held Eva for hours just watching her screen and hoping.  She really helped me get through the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with.

Here is a picture of Eva stretching:

 

Emilia

I have woken up today thinking a lot about Emilia.  I have spent so much time writing about what has been wrong with her so now it is time to share all the beautiful things that are right with Emilia Cajsa Lindqvist.

Her light brown hair is soft like feathers.  She has lots of energy, which I think she gets from me and sometimes it feels like she has a hard time relaxing.  But when I sing to her and stroke her forehead and hair she becomes peaceful and calm. She likes sucking on her dummy and even holds onto it sometimes.  She doesn't cry!  Emilia is very curious about the world around her and her eyes are open wide a lot, much more than you would expect such a young baby to be awake.  She has got Jens' big beautiful eyes, but we think they are going to be the same colour as mine (green with a brown ring in the middle, just like my mummy's). Her face is beautiful like an angel.

Emilia saved my life and Eva's too.  Had she not set everything going in the beginning, then all three of us may have died.  So when I thought she wasn't going to make it everything felt so unjust.  She has fought to live so many times now and has been through so much already.  Emilia doesn't give up.  Now it is her time to be loved and to get the chance to see all the things that she is going to be so curious about;  Her cat Guinness, her Grandparents, her aunties, her cousins, all of our friends who already love her, her frog bedroom and pram, her rainforest baby gym, her home, mushrooms in the forest, flowers, the list is endless.  Like my poem said, there are so many things planned for her!

When Emilia got the infection Jens said to her, "all you need to do is fix this and we will fix the rest".  That is what we are going to do!

Here is a picture of Emilia:

Great weekend

We have had a lovely weekend with Eva and Emilia, they are both progressing so well. 

Poem

So we are back to the place where all is going so well and my babies are doing what all babies do; eating, sleeping, pooing and melting our hearts with every new facial expression or cute sound!  If the blog is not updated then you know that is what they are doing :)  I just thought I would share a poem that I wrote for Emilia after her second intestine operation.  It is hanging at the bottom of her bed.

I think about you all the time

You're in my heart and on my mind

Your little body so small and frail

Justice must prevail.

There are so many things planned for you

A magical cabin with a green canoe

A house in Marden, you'll be there too!

Our home is waiting for your smile

For you to hold your sister and think a while

To run and dance and joke and sing

It is going to be a special thing.

The fight is now, so bring it on!

For me and your Dad you've already shone

So keep it up our special girl

And soon we will see you laugh and twirl.

I wrote out the poem Cajsa read at our wedding for Eva, Morgon by Karin Boye.  It really is a beautiful poem too that sums up how I feel about my baby girls.

När morgonens sol genom rutan smyger,
glad och försiktig,
lik ett barn, som vill överraska
tidigt, tidigt en festlig dag --
då sträcker jag full av växande jubel
öppna famnen mot stundande dag --
ty dagen är du,
och ljuset är du,
solen är du,
och våren är du,
och hela det vackra, vackra,
väntande livet är du!

I will just translate the last part:

Because the day is you,

And the light is you,

The sun is you,

And the spring is you

And all of the beautiful, beautiful

Waiting life is you!

So on that lovely, poetic note I will go and pump some milk :)