Daddy

I just realised that I haven't mentioned Emilia and Eva's Daddy.  I am not sure how many Dads would happily allow his family to be in another country for 12 days, but for the sake of the twins' relationship with their Grandma and Grandad and as it is something really important to me, he thought it was a good idea.  I think the twins handled being away from their Dad as well as can be expected and the heartfelt reunion at the airport made it all worth it.  I thought Emilia was literally going to burst with happiness and Jens got the privilege of one of Eva's special sweet smiles the second she lay eyes on him (it usually takes quite a lot of work to gain Eva's affections ;)).  During all of this me and my Mum were recovering from the flight, but I think it helped us calm down a little bit.

Jens will always have a soothing effect on me, he is my calm in this crazy child rearing storm.

Back home

So we are back in Sweden after our 2 week England trip.  Apart from our flight home being cancelled, delaying us for a day, everything went pretty smooth.  The flight home was more challenging than the flight there and we will always try and go for a morning flight in future.  My Mum and Dad flew back with us, so I was thinking two adults, three babies, piece of cake!  Little did I know that my Dad wouldn't be allowed to sit with us. BA had allocated us on a row with only 4 oxygen masks and because the flight was full, my Dad got moved up to first class!  So as me and my Mum are trying to amuse two very tired and fussy babies, my Dad got a taste of the the high life.  The only consolation was the coffee that got spilled on him and three bottles of champagne he got as compensation that he gave to me :)  I am glad he got something good, I just wish my Mum had also got a piece of it.  What she got instead was baby Emilia who kept being sick!

My Mum and Dad had really pulled out all the stops for their granddaughters.  Their rooms were beautiful and they had lots of toys from the local car boot to keep them amused.  It was really lovely for me to see how they must have been with me and Toni when we were babies and the whole experience has given me more confidence to be as good of a Mum as I can be.  Baby Eva has been pretty clingy during our stay and most nights she has woken up and needed to sleep the rest of the night with me.  Meaning I couldn't be there for Emilia but my Mum tended to every cry.  There was one night when we were all up at 2 in the morning:

But for the most parts the nights have been pretty calm.  Both of the twins are teething like crazy (Emilia finally cut her second front one when we got home) but as always they are little troopers just getting on with things.

My friend Caroline came for a visit with baby Charlie.  It was so nice to be able to talk about everything with a close friend that has been through something similar.  Baby Charlie spent 2 weeks in intensive care, but now he is doing great and enjoyed meeting his new mini friends!

Here are a few more pictures from our trip:

England

Like I said, our flight went really well and as my girls never cease to amaze me, Emilia slept on me!  She was sitting on my knee and then she kind of wriggled back into a lying down position, turned her head away from me, got stuck into sucking her well loved thumb and joined slumber land.  It was Eva, our sweet gentle soul that kept the whole plane awake! haha.  She wasn't really crying just being very loud.  Another gentle reminder for us to expect the unexpected or perhaps to stop expecting anything at all.  

So  I got to see Toni, Barry and my beautiful little niece Zoe who unfortunately got a fever before she left the states and was struggling with a very nasty cough.  She was a little trooper though and spent lots of time hugging and kissing her cousins and being a cheeky little monkey.  The twins also got to meet most of my extended family and we even had a trip up to Manchester where they got to see their Great Grandad and Nanna for the first time.  It was all really lovey, exhausting but lovely and now I get to bask in all the memories from the past few days that are over, as always, much too quickly.  

Pictures speak a thousand words so here a few that sum up the past week:

Toni and Zoe

At the pub for the first time :) 

At a hotel for the first time meeting Great Grandad, Nanna and Cousin Liam:

Playtime:

Tomorrow

So we leave for England tomorrow!  I am very excited but nervous at the same time.  Hopefully with around the clock help from my Mum and Dad I will have time to write my blog, but in case I don't I wanted to write a quick update as so much as happened.

Eva has 6 teeth now and she has had a real hard time getting them.  She now refuses to sleep unassisted and each time she sleeps she needs to be held tight.  If she wakes up in the night then we have to put her in bed with us.  Mandy was here last night and we were talking about it and she said a phrase which is appparently well known in this crazy baby world "You can't book it".  Meaning no book can say how to deal with this madness and I agree.  Eva has been "text book" for most of her baby life and by that I mean could self soothe and needed very little help from us in getting off to sleep.  We looked for tired signs and as soon as we saw them she was straight into bed.  But then one day it all changed.  We have tried everything, even the horrible method of leaving her to cry.  That didn't work and just left my angel in a state that tore open my heart.  So we are just going with it, if she needs to be held then we will hold her for as long as it takes.

I have not been feeling too great recently and I have just been able to identify why.  When they don't do what I want I feel like a failure, I feel frustrated.  But I need to just accept that they will almost always do the opposite of what I want and use that as my starting point.  Yesterday, as I had a wriggling Eva in my arms and an Emilia in her bed, walking around the sides and shouting "Ahh duh" (the only thing she says!) I thought to myself, what are they stopping me from doing by being awake.  I wanted to sort the laundry and clean the bathroom (riveting stuff), so I put them in the pack and play by the bathroom and left them to play while I did my jobs.  It felt good! Then I tried again, Eva went to sleep, Emilia refused so I put her in her high chair and unloaded the dishwasher.  When I had finished doing what I needed to do I let her play.  When Eva woke up Emilia went down!

(So yet another post that did not get finished or posted! - the flight went really well and as I type this both babies are sleeping at the same time)

Relaxed

For the first time, for as long as I can remember, Emilia has relaxed on me.  I keep testing having her on my knee for long periods and she almost fell asleep in my arms, nestled into my hair whilst sucking her thumb.  Next Thursday we are flying to England and I am feeling pretty nervous about it.  I am a bad flyer anyway,  but my fear of actually being in a plane has been overtaken by the fear of having my very energetic Emilia on my knee for a plane journey.  How will I keep her occupied? and how are we going to get her to sleep when she is tired?  She only sleeps in her bed or in the pram.  Both of which we won't have.  I know we will get there one way or another, but like all parents I am not looking forward to this plane journey!

The twins have survived their third cold and are back to sleeping all night!  Thankfully!  I have decided to avoid playgroup until after we have been to England.  The second we step foot in that place they get sick!

(I wrote this on Monday, just after I had written it I tested Emilia for a fever and she had one - haha, explaining her calm behaviour.  They had their measles vaccination and it is a side effect from that.  She is now back to her wriggly self!).

Emilia slept

Yes, my baby girl slept the whole night.  She woke up briefly at 10, but Jens managed to soothe her in bed :)  It is now 7.00am and she is still in bed.  Eva has been up for over an hour and is full of energy, currently crawling around my feet like a little puppy.

A puppy is one way to describe the twins but they are more like little crazed zombies.  Sometimes they crawl up me together, grabbing everything in sight making zombi noises.  They are very cute zombies and it is funny to watch.

I am feeling much better, a bit of a sore throat but I think everyone is a bit sick at the moment.  I am just so so so thankful that we all got some well needed sleep :)

Bring on the weekend and the arrival of my Mum and Dad!

Cough

Autumn is here and the new things I was anticipating have slapped me in the face in the form of a very nasty cough.  I am sick, Eva is sick but my little Emilia has been hit the hardest of us all.  I have seen my little princess in some pretty bad states during her short life, but nothing compared to the last three nights.  I saw a Dr yesterday and we were sent to the Emergency Room where she was diagnosed with baby asthma.  We were given some medicine that relaxes her body and helps her breathe more easily.  With retrospect we should have reacted earlier, on the first night at 12.45 I was ready to take her in, but when I called the advice line I was told to give her a warm drink and just to keep comforting her.  So that is what we did.  Jens is with me and is as always my reassuring rock but sometimes only Mummy will do.  This is one of those times and I have never felt more needed by my little warrior.

I have re-invented myself as a living Zombi.  My babies still need food, Eva who slept 12 hours needed me at 6.30 this morning when Emilia, after her exhausting night, crashed into slumber. I was jealous;  I wanted to join her so bad. It think it is something to do with hormones but however bad I feel, I hear her chest rattle and forget myself, I hear her screams and it cuts into me in ways I cannot describe.  Where her pain goes, I go and we will ride this out together.  I am no longer a player in this game just an observer who exists to ease and soothe and make the badness go away.

As always I am thankful for any help available.  Mandy came over and brought lunch for me and the girls (homemade soup - delicious) and Farfar came over to help today.  My Mum and Dad help me look after the twins via video chat and are always helping me to keep my spirits up.  They are coming this weekend and I am longing for their visit.  You see only my Mummy will do when it comes to getting me back on track.  It is just the way it is!  I had my babies in a different country to them and in times of sickness I pay that high price.

I am praying for a night where I can sleep and relax and where my angels can have a peaceful, undisturbed rest.