Day at home

Jens headed off this morning to spend the day with Emilia and so I get to be at home with little Eva :)

Yesterday they increased Emilia's food to 60 ml, which means she is now getting all the food she needs.  Unfortunately though she still needs to be on the drip as she is pooing too much, meaning she is not getting all the nutrients she requires.  I have not had an update from Jens yet so I don't know how she got on in the night, but the Dr told us yesterday that we are looking at 1 -2 weeks until she will be able to come home :)  There is light at the end of our insanely long tunnel.

Eva had her weekly check-up yesterday and she weighed in at 3535 g!  The nurse was happy with her progress.

I am still struggling to come to terms with my dwindling milk supply :(  It feels so unfair.  I just spent some time reading about formula on the internet and really wish I hadn't.  You would think I was giving my babies poison!  I understand the need to promote breastmilk but at what cost? Do these people not understand that there are extreme situations where formula is the only option.

I just cannot shake the feeling that I have failed my babies yet again.  Emilia is now getting about 15 ml of my milk each feed and 45 ml formula :(.  I am spending so much time pumping and hand milking (my right breast no longer responds to the pump) that I am so close to just giving up - and giving up is so alien to me.  I never really minded pumping when I got a decent amount of milk, after every pump I felt like I had achieved something.  Now each time I just feel defeated.