Family at home

We have just survived the fourth night of being full time parents of twins.  Both girls are doing well and we are doing as well as can be expected.  We take turns caring for them during the night and only get the other one up if they both need us at the same time (which happened at 5 o'clock this morning!).  To say I feel overwhelmed is an understatement!

So we arrived home on Tuesday afternoon after a super stressful day at the hospital.  Emilia and Eva had their ears tested just before we left and they were unable to test one of Emilia's ears as the ear hole was too small.  So we now have to take her for another hospital visit in 2 weeks :(  Eva got the all clear.  When I took Emilia back to be fed it was way past her feeding time and so both me and her were really stressed.  Then the nurses started giving me lots of instructions whilst I was breastfeeding and everything felt too much.  When Jens got back with Eva I started crying tears of frustration and just felt like my head was about to explode.

Then we went down to the car (it was raining of course!), got Emilia settled in the car seat and tried to put Eva in only to find out the straps were too short and we had no idea how to lengthen them.  Luckily a nurse was helping us and we got that sorted.  During all of this me and Jens were hungry too :(  When we finally got home, Emilia just wouldn't stop crying and was so frustrated that she wouldn't take my breast. We had no formula prepared and at this time were only feeding her via her tube and so it takes time for her to feel full.  Jens fed Eva who kept being sick and so he was unable to put her down.  Within half an hour I had begged Jens to call his Mum and Dad to come and help us!

Looking back it all seems quite comical!  At one point Eva, Emilia and me were all crying with Jens running around trying to sort everything.  The feeling of being overwhelmed was just so strong and at this point I felt sick and just kept thinking; How are we going to cope? and what have we done?

But like I said, 4 nights on and my nervous breakdown hasn't happened yet although I did have an extremely emotional experience at the hospital when I took Emilia in for her check.  After I had taken the card and chocolates up to the neonatal ward I had to go and cry really hard in the toilet (Emilia was on the ward having her siesta).  Then I went for lunch and had no appetite and had to call Jens and cry down the phone.  I felt so terrible.  Then I went to the psychologist to make an appointment and everything just came out.  I started hyperventilating and felt dizzy and just couldn't stop crying.  She was lovely and apparently this reaction is completely normal and I am going to see her on a regular basis again for a while.

I then had a long talk with Emilia's Dr who is so lovely and we decided that we are now giving her bottles and my breast when I feel like it.  This way when she is hungry she gets direct relief and we cut down on her stress.  She is still pooing too much and so we need to feed her every 3 hours and give her a water supplement between feeds during the day.  For the most part we are managing to keep her calm; it really us operation "fatten up Emilia" in our house.  I want her to be healthy and strong more than anything.

Eva is still doing really well :)  My arms are starting to ache when I hold her, which exaggerates even more how little Emilia is.  We feel like we are going to break her.

Jens is a wonderful Dad and an excellent support for me.  He tells me constantly that we can handle this and that everything is going to be OK.