Hard to make sense of

Emilia seems to be doing a little better, although it is still up and down and sometimes it is clear that she is pain.  It is heartbreaking for me to watch but I am trying to just take it day by day.  On Tuesday she will have been at home for 3 weeks!  I cannot really say the time has gone fast and all the days seem to just merge into each other but it does feel like we are getting there.  We are managing to get some order in our house and I even did the ironing the other day which has been waving at me for about 2 months :)!

Eva is a little star!  She is still eating and sleeping really well. She is a strong little one.  She can hold her head up and is the cuddliest little munchkin.  We sat them face to face last night on Jens knee, haha, it was very very cute.

It is safe to say that me, Jens, Emilia and Eva are living in a bubble.  There is so much to do and time between feeds seems to fly by so fast that it is easy to forget about the lives of friends and family.  Two days ago my little family bubble was burst when I recevied the heartbreaking news that a guy I study with has taken his own life.  John Berg was a friend of mine and a part of my circle of friends in Borås.  I remember him consoling me when I felt anxious about being pregnant and just seeing him lit up my day.  I am so gutted that I will never see him again and that he will never get to meet my babies.  Our circle will never be the same again and I suppose I just thought it would all be waiting for me when my crazy life had calmed down.  He was popular, funny and one of a kind.  He would have made a really excellent teacher.  I wanted to tell him about a silly English TV series I have been watching, but now I can't.  It is so unfair and so hard to make sense of.

So in a way it has been a bit of a wake up call.  Yes, my life is hard but we are doing OK and it is only going to get better.  I just want everyone to know that I want you to share your problems and lives with me.  Even if it is via email or text or whatever.  I am here and I care! :)